Ignore me, and go on with your day

-I miss him alot.
-I am a selfish human being whose pride gets in the way of living how I should.
-I want to ignite a fire
-I haven't done anything Christmasy this Christmas
-I'm kinda sad right now
-I have friends. And I'm thankful for them.
-I want to be a better example
-I want to love those girls more.
-I'm afraid he wont like it, or think it's to much
-It needs to stop snowing in Washington
-I don't feel like anyone is making an effort
-I feel like we are a lost cause.
-I wish I thought things would get better
-I'm excited for a little get away time
-I don't know what I'm going to bring for food tomorrow
-I know you don't read my blog
-I'm thankful for curved grades in college
-I have my priorities all wrong
-I can't decide if I do or not...
-I hate doing things I've never done before. It scares me.

I am way to focused on myself. THE END

Shedding Layers

I got a haircut yesterday, and for me, a haircut is a big deal. Every time. I usually go a really long time before I will re-cut my hair, and I ALWAYS forget what it looked like short. But after a while I finally just get fed-up with the excess hair and make that appointment. I think about the big moment alot trying to decide just what to do with it never actually coming to a decision. Eventually the moment comes and I sit in the spiny chair and have a cape draped over me; she asks the dreaded question and because I could never decide I tell her, "just fix it, it's to much, it's bringing me down. Make it better, make it lighter, make it work. It's up to you. Have fun." It's a leap of faith really; trusting in her to make good decisions for me that I couldn't make. Trusting her to see the big picture...the finished product. I know that my haircut in the grand scheme of things really isn't that big of a deal, but it got me thinking. In a weird way, my haircut is similar to my relationship with God. My spiritual walk goes in ups and downs. I go for long periods of time where I'm really just doing pretty good on my own. I never really put Him aside, but these periods can get pretty lukewarm if you know what I mean. And then I finally start looking at my life for what it is: bland, dead-ends, kinda shapeless, and decide that I need to cut some of it away. Take out the excess. I think about it for a while, kinda wrestling with my human nature telling me it's not a big deal, and the spirit in me telling me it's time for that trim. Then I "make the appointment" so to speak, deciding that I can't take it anymore and I have to do something about it, but sometimes I just can't decide what to do. So I take the leap of faith, saying, "Father, just fix it, it's to much, it's bringing me down. Make it better, make it lighter, make it work for your glory. I'm giving it up to you. Have fun." I have to trust in Him to make decisions that I can't, trust Him to see the big picture....the finished product of my life. So I got a haircut yesterday, and now I'm in the process of getting a trim in the other areas of my life. I'm allowing God to cut off the dead ends, and take away the excess. So pray for me.

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. John 15:2

NaNoWriMo

Would not work for me. I have alot to say and struggle to express it even here on a simple blog. How could I write a novel?

But good for those of you who can!

Today

Sometimes distraction is a blessing from God. Today was one of those times. My day started off pretty terribly, I was almost in tears by 8am. I fled from my house and was at school early for the first time in a long time. But I was determined not to go through my day bitterly and being sad, so I sat in my car (freezing my but off I might add) and just prayed that God would heal what's broken, and would give me strength to handle everything. He hasn't quite answered that prayer yet, but he did give me what I needed to keep myself from focusing on it and being bitter all day. He gave me distractions. Things that I would usually be annoyed at or stressed out about, were just on my list of things to do today. Simple as that. I was focused on things besides myself and that is an answered prayer.

A Good Weekend

Oh man, God provided for me this weekend. I needed to get away, I needed to do something fun and different. I needed people and friendship. He delivered. Basically the short version is that I was able to get of work this weekend cause boss man was cutting hours and it also happened to be my best friend Sarah's birthday. So her parents had offered to take me and another friend down to San Marcos to see her. It was a virtually free trip and it was just what I needed. So Saturday morning Melissa, Sarah's parents and I all drove down to see her. It was really cool because Sarah didn't know that I was coming, she thought I had to work. So we were able to just spend all Saturday and most of today with her. We also hung out alot with her suite mate who is very cool. Even though I'm still struggling with sadness and loneliness at home, it was refreshing. And to top it all off we started our morning with a visit to a local church which was awesome because the worship was what I love and the preacher taught truth in a way that really pointed me to God. Now I'm ready to go home and face my reality with strength and confidence in the Lord to answer my prayers.

My Struggle

All people struggle, and contrary to a popular world belief, all Christians struggle too. I struggle. You struggle. But so often we don't talk about our struggles, and instead we put on a smile for the sake of those around us and we go throughout our days never being real with anyone and especially ourselves. Well I'm tired of being fake and I'm tired of wearing my smile and not meaning it. So here it is; my struggles of late. I'm having a really hard time enjoying college and the new life I have because of it. When I'm totally honest with myself I'm lonely. Even though I have tons of great people and a boyfriend around me all the time, I'm still lonely. I miss my friends. I miss the community we shared. I don't have anyone here that I laugh with like I laughed with Bethany all the time. And I don't have anyone that I can have deep and random conversations with like I did with Charlotte, and I don't have anyone here who really understands who I am and what I'm about and the struggles I have like Sarah does. I know that I just have to build a new life, and new friendships and that it'll all work out great, but I'm not there yet and it sucks. Honestly, right now it just sucks. And what doesn't help this problem is that I don't really have any friends at Unt. My worst fear has come true, and it is actually harder to meet people then I thought it would be. I have met one person and she is very cool and fun to hang out with but I rarely even have time to spend hanging out with her because we are both so busy! So that's my first big struggle. I'm lonely. Another is that I'm making some bad choices when it comes to time management and I know that, but I'm not ready to change that yet. I'm caught in the middle. I don't get as much sleep as I need, and when I say that I actually mean "need" and not just want. I procrastinate on everything, and I'm becoming complacent in my walk and I KNOW that is a problem. I get what I need to done, but I almost always do it in a rush and I don't put my whole heart and focus into it. I'm stuck in a rut. I'm afraid to disappoint, and i care what others think way to much. I'm allowing myself to do some things I shouldn't, and I'm not disciplining myself to do the things I should.

So there you have it. I'm human. And frankly at the moment I'm doing a fantastic job at being human. But the first step to fixing the problem is knowing there is a problem, and that's what this blog is about. I'm putting it out there. My struggles and failing are now public knowledge. Hold me accountable, ask me how I'm doing, and make me be honest. That's what I need right now. I'm trying to get back on track, and I'm trying to bring my focus back to God, but it's hard and I'm struggling. But at least now I'm being honest.

Me vs World

To steal an entry idea from my friend Bailey....

job at best buy-going great, point for me
school in general-not good, point for the world
boyfriend-amazing,ME 2-1
algebra-failing, point for the world 2-2
not having friends at unt-obvious 2-3
friends at church-great 3-3
jrsr girls bible study-going really well, 4-3
procrastination-taking over my life, 4-4
sleep-not enough, 4-5
sunday-got to sing, made some money, really good night, 5-5

And that's life.

Just another update

Nothing to inspiring, just another update.

-I got a 102 on my gov test....I'm not sure how
-I failed my algebra test, and I'm not sure I'll do any better on the next two
-I did pretty well on my astronomy test, I'm hopeful for a high B
-I totally owned my history test, and I'm super happy about it.
-People watching is even more fun when you know the person you're watching
-I kinda like working, and I knew that I would
-I loved not having to work on sunday!
-I'm happy with the state of the college ministry, and I think God has left it in very capable hands
-It would be nice to have more girls though
-I like other peoples children way to much...(that sounds bad lol)
-I'm talking to my cousin again, and it's nice
-I wish the rest would follow suit
-I super love having my own laptop, but I wonder if I'll like having the new one
-This particular boy has mad me very happy as of late
-The materialist in me is very happy about wearing my new dress and jewelry
-Excited to see him perform tonight!

It's Ok

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

It's ok to not know. It's ok to not understand. It's ok to wrestle with the word. It's not about being the smartest, the wisest, the most spiritual. It's about loving Jesus Christ and actively finding out who He is, and who you are in Him.

I'll tell you what, that's the most encouraging bit of information I've heard in quite some time.

Looking Up

So recently I had a not fun moment with my family. I was talking to my mom and she let me in on some information that I didn't really want to hear. There was crying and freaking out and then I started to deal with it. It's nothing super new, just the same old recurring problem but every time I think it's going away it just comes right back. I'm forced to be so much older then I am and I'm expected to give advice and handle "adult" problems. I really hate it but there isn't anything I can do about. It's that whole rock and a hard place thing. But I don't mean to use my blog to whine about it. Instead I wanted to tell you how encouraged I was this past Sunday. Well after the initial shock of it I started to be ok and start dealing. It helped that unlike normal I actually turned to God about this problem first. So I'm sure that helped to calm me down. How amazing is God's provision though. Seriously. I was lost and confused amidst the chaos that existed in my house and I was put in a position that I didn't understand my role. And God answered my prayers. Even better, He answered them all, He did it super quickly, and He used big bold neon signs! Last night during college bible study, we were in 1 Peter 5 and God just spoke to me through the passage. I now just have to rise to the occasion and pass on what God showed me to someone else. That's going to be the hard part. But I know that God will provide. He is always faithful.

My Goals For the Year

Here's a random list of things I've been thinking about lately pertaining to what I want to accomplish this year.

-Make friends that live in Denton
-Manage my time well
-Not over stretch myself
-build relationships with a group of amazing junior/senior girls
-Increase my discipline for personal bible study
-Keep in touch with a select few friends who have dispersed
-continue to learn to play the guitar
-find out what the person I want to be looks like
-Continue to keep relationships with the underclassmen of cbc
-succeed in my classes at unt

Not necessarily in that order.

On My 1st Day of College

On my first day of college, I learned how to eat with chop sticks. Seriously, I went to pei wei for the first time to eat lunch and a friend made me do it. I don't know for sure why that is significant to me, but I think it has something to do with the fact that the very first thing I learned during my college experience has NOTHING to do with book knowledge. Instead it has everything to do with practical life experience however small and insignificant. In fact these past couple of days of this new higher education I haven't really learned anything of collegiate substance; just merely reminded of what I already knew. Now I don't have an unrealistic notion that I wont learn anything in school, that's not the case at all. I am simply just observing these first few days. But while I have spent the last 84 hours or so as a college student I have experienced things I never have before, and through these experiences I have learned alot about myself, life, and what I want from it. Interesting how just being presented with the "college life" can make you so aware of what's going on around you, and what you just might learn from it. So here's to chop sticks, and college.

College Mode

I've been mentally in college mode for about a year now. Totally prepared and ready to go. So now that it's here I couldn't be more excited about it! I'm not nervous at all though which I think is kinda weird. I already have fallen in love with the "college life" I've started to lead. I've been doing my own thing, being really independent and I love it. I still really miss all my friends that have scattered but I'm really starting to like hanging out with my new group. And I'm even more excited about getting into classes and making new friends in Denton! So for now I'm really happy...but then classes haven't started yet...lol I'll let you know what happens.

words

I couldn't put what I feel into words that made sentences and paragraphs, so I opted for bullets

-I want college to start
-I want to go home
-I love living in flo mo
-I love hanging with the guys again
-I miss my friends
-I really want/need a job
-It would be nice to get this particular job
-I like my new phone
-I don't know anybodies number
-I need to read my bible
-I can't stop crying
-The internet is boring me
-I know I did the right thing
-I've lost 6 pounds because I've been sick
-I don't know if that's a good thing
-I miss him
-Summer needs to end
-I need less free time
-The sadness needs to go away
-I haven't gotten much sleep lately
-I needed references today and I realized that nathan is no longer pastor of student ministries
-I need a guitar
-I need guitar lessons
-I heart anna nalick
-I miss lunch with kelsey and I'm glad that's starting soon
-I'm nervous about my responsibilities
-I'm nervous about getting a job
-I'm not nervous at all about school
-I wish I had gotten the free t-shirt, but it was fun hanging out
-I really love that my mom misses me

My Day

To start my day off I must first tell you a little something about last night. I felt terrible! I have some sort of Upper respiratory disease and it gave me a soar throat, serve chills, a massive head ache and all around body ache. So I was at my friend sarah's house for a going away party and I was feeling so bad that I left but I went to my house instead of Chris' cause I just didn't think I could drive that far. So Because I was at my house this morning I had to wake up early to go over to Chris' and feed the dogs. After that I sat around a while and didn't really do much until about 1 when I left to go to my doctors appointment! That took forever and then I had to go to walmart to fill my prescription and get some food. I didn't get back till 430 and I knew that i wouldn't make it in time for church. So I took a shower and did my hair and make up and feed the animals dinner but that took longer then expected. So now I'm just killing a bit of time before I meet Tyler for dinner. And there you have it folks, an uneventful day in the life of Lauren.

To the people I love

For me high school was not overflowing with fantastic friends. In fact it started out quite terribly. I had a few good friends from middle school freshmen year, but then when the school's split my sophomore year, all but one left. That one was my only real friend all year. But then that friendship ended, and it ended quite hard. I've always had friends, but my "friends" have always been more of "people that I hang out with on occasion". They have rarely ever been true friends that care about me. I spent most of high school trying to forgive those who stabbed me in the back, and trying to care for those who didn't care for me. But after a few months of not having a single person to hang out with in the end of sophomore year God opened a door at CBC. It was hard to get involved and in it was hard to break into the group, but I never gave up and finally I had friends again. I say "again" but really I had friends for the first time. I had real friends. I had people who cared about me. People that noticed when I was gone. People that thought to call and invite me to things. People I could trust, and love and people that loved me back. I was still fighting that friendship war at school, but the people at cbc gave me a home and they gave me hope. I have spent the last two years of my life loving them, and thanking God for them. This is why I have cried everyday for the last week. This is why I have wanted to spend every moment with them. This is why I will never forget any of them.

On the middle ground of life

The Middle Ground: The point between start and finish.

I hate the middle grounds of life, but I feel like I'm being surrounded by them right now. They are kind of like transitions but much more than that. It's uncomfortable, awkward, uneasy, and time consuming. The only light in this darkness, is that I know that the end of a middle ground is marked by growth.

Learning to see the flashing neon lights that I've asking for.

Quite often I find myself complaining to others and most frequently to God that He just doesn't communicate with me very well....(note the arrogance in that statement) I constantly pray for some kind of sign that will show me what I'm supposed to do in any given situation, yet I never find one. Consequently I "lean upon my own understanding" and almost always epic fail at whatever it is I was doing. Usually my prayers sound a little something like this: "Dear God, PLEASE just tell me what you want me to do. But don't tell me with subtle hints and discretion but instead use flashing neon lights and signs. Wack me in the face with the answer. Amen." Now you may imagine how well that has been working out for me. But what I've noticed in the past few days is that God is always faithful, and He answers prayer. Conversely, I am not always faithful and I do not always want to hear His answer. You see, what I have been doing is looking right past the neon lights in front of me and searching behind those for the ones I wanted to see. And whats more is that when I pray that prayer, what I'm really saying is "Dear God, PLEASE just tell me what I want to hear. But don't tell me with subtle hints and discretion but instead use flashing neon lights and signs. Wack me in the face with the go ahead to do what I want. Amen." So thankfully for once the lights caught my eye and I got the message, and hopefully that's a lesson learned.

Mid-Summer Perspective

Summer is supposed to be a time of relaxation, and boredum, and sitting around not doing a whole lot. My summer was supposed to be a full month of nothing to do and then a full month of traveling around Italy, and then a road trip with Bethany. Well let me tell ya that God had different plans for my summer. Of course I'm not spending a month in Italy right now, but more then that, I'm also not sitting around doing nothing. I really think I've actually been more busy so far this summer then I was in the school year. But it's GREAT! It's so great because nothing that I've been doing has been required of me. Nothing has been stressful, and I'm loving every second of it! I still haven't quite figured out why God wanted me here this summer and not in Italy, but I'm having a lot of fun anyway. So here are some of the things I've done so far during my summer:
-Mexico 08! It was a really good year to go out on. I love all the new people I met there and I've enjoyed getting to know them further.
-VBS! I love working with kids! They are so much fun.
-College Lake weekend at the Grace's lakehouse! woohoo, that was a lot of fun and it was good to get to know all the kids in the college group. It made me feel more a part of the gang. : )
-Hanging out with so many really awesome people till really late hours of the morning, and experiencing more of the freedom that comes with being older.
-Art Class at cbc. lol even though I've only made it to a couple of the classes, it's been really cool and I have deffinatly improved since when I started in December. YAY!
-boyfriend, yep, I got me one of those. And it's really good so far!
-July 4th weekend at my boathouse! YAY, July 4th is my favorite holiday of all and this one was pretty darn good. I got to hang out with my brother alot and I loved that. And we went and saw fireworks over the water! YAY
-rolled paper triangles with Kelsey...which was alot of fun contrary to what it sounds like.
-College bible study, I like!
-Road trip to Austin with mom and Erin. We went and saw the inner space caverns, the bats come out from congress bridge, capital building, and ate at alot of really awesome unique resteraunts!
-Seen lots of movies....wanted and wall-e were really good! Looking forward to the dark knight!
-Scrapbooked mexico stuff with Shelby and some other girls!
-sang at some random church with Trevor and the band
-Started and continued to learn/teach myself how to play the guitar...I can actually play and sing about 4 songs...and I have a couple more that I can sorta play.


And I have a bunch more stuff to look forward to. This had been a great summer so far! I hope you have been enjoying yourself as well.

Wow, Stupidity is in the air

So after being out of town for a week, smashed into a 15 passenger van, I was really dying to drive my own car again! So We finally got back to the church and I packed up what I thought was all of my stuff and excitingly starting to make my way home. I made it all the way back home and realized that I had left my pillow, cowboy hat and the bag I had with me on the van. Since this bag had my phone, ipod, camera and money in it I figured i should go back and get it. So I'm on my way back; driving down the highway and all of a sudden I see flashing lights behind me. Apparently I was speeding. Now, I will admit that I probably deserve a ticket because I often do speed. I never speed excessively, but 5 over and 10 on the highway, is a normal occurrence in my car. So I pull over on the shoulder of the highway only to find out that it's actually against the law to pull over on the left shoulder (the middle of the highway). So the guy gets out and tells me to pull over on the other side. So finally I'm pulled over in an acceptable area and the guy again comes to talk to me. After explaining why I was not supposed to stop on the left side it made perfect sense, but in my defense I never knew that before. I know ignorance is no excuse, but that's the one I used. Anyway he gave me a double warning, one for speeding and one for being stupid and pulling over in the middle of the highway. He couldn't give me a speeding ticket cause he didn't actually clock me, he just knew I was speeding because I past him, obviously going faster then he. (In my defense it wasn't a normal cop car and I didn't notice him) He was actually pretty nice about it but it still kinda sucked! But at least I didn't actually get a ticket! Woo-hoo! But the worst part about this whole story is that by the time I got up to the church it had already been locked up and I couldn't get in, so the whole trip was completely pointless! Except for the part where I got to see some really dumb lady kinda get in an accident. On 407 right in front of the shops of highland village, by the church; there is all that construction and we all know that half of the road is missing there. Well apparently she didn't. And she was also dumb because she pulled out in front of the man in front of me very quickly and almost angrily. But since she wasn't aware of the missing chunk of road she went straight and ran right off the ledge and got stuck! It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. So all in all my night ended with a double warning and a slight panic attack, light laughter supplied by the stupidity of others, and a very long bath accompanied by a good book.

really freaking cool

so my parents got me an iPod touch for graduation and its really cool! So I just thought ild post a blog telling you (and sorta brag) about the fact that I'm posting this on my touch! Its really not that difficult to use the mini keyboard thing but it does take longer. Either way its still cool and fun to mess with. Anyway, tonight was spent packing for Mexico, also known as the greatest week life ever threw at you. I'll post a longer more exciting blog telling you all about my trip when I get home.

Right now I'll just leave you with a big woo hoo cause I'm a freshman again and that excites me!!!

Out of Order

So I'm not quite sure what is up, but I think that maybe my tear ducts are out of order. Tonight was my last choir concert in high school, and I should have cried. But I didn't. Not even one tear. I even tried to think of all the sad stuff and force myself to cry, and it just didn't work. Graduation and all my friends scattering just hasn't hit me yet. I still have two whole weeks of school left and I just haven't gotten sad yet. I know that I'm not terribly torn apart because I really don't care that much that people are leaving. There are a few people that I will really, truly miss, but honestly I won't miss a lot of them. I've had some really terrible friends these past couple of years who just really never cared to much about me and so I'm not to sad to see them go. However, I know that when Senior Speeches roles around for church I'm going to be crying like a little baby. I will honestly miss every single one of them. Those people have been my true friends, and so many of them are close to my heart. So I'm looking forward to a huge display of water works, but for now, I'm just out of order.

AHHHHHHHH

So this tomorrow I have my sisters first ballet performance, prom(both pictures and sleepover are at my house) and then sundayI have mexico mission meal, and tea party with Cera! It doesn't sound like a lot, but oh man am I swarmped! There is so much to do just to prep from prom and attend everything! Ugh! I can't wait till its all happening and I can enjoy it. Now I have to go clean my house!

Great Provider

For some reason I am still amazed every time I realize how much God provides in my life. Today was amazing. God answered so many prayers in just one day; I'm a bit overwhelmed. First off, my worries about my senior slide show are no more; the picture situation has been remedied. Secondly I was worried about paying for Mexico since my dad's company didn't give me as much as expected and I knew that I wouldn't get what I needed from my short list of other letters, but He knew exactly what I needed and provided an amazing sum of money from a completely unexpected source! Also, since I've been stressing so much with everything that's been going on lately when I had to chose a song for our senior cd for bible study I just sorta chose a song and I was like "whatever, its a good song". I didn't realize at the time though how much I really did identify with the song and I probably would have chosen it anyway even if I had really spent some time thinking about it. God just put it in my mind to randomly pick the perfect song. (Jeremy Camp's Beyond Measure) So Thank God. He is the Great Provider. Every good and perfect thing comes from God the Father.

AP European Test

....Is tomorrow and it starts at 1. I really wish that I had 2 more days, that would be enough, but as of now I'm just not sure if I can pass it. I've been in cram mode all of today and yesterday, minus when Kelsey persuaded me to skip studying for bunco night. Which I actually ended up winning a subway gift card which made lunch especially yummy today! But I really want to pass this test. I feel like I actually have a shot at this one but that I'm just slightly unprepared. However, when looking at the big picture I have realized something. This is the first time in my life that I have actually REALLY studied for anything. (any still worried about passing) I think that no matter how I look at it, that this a growing experience. I'm getting a taste of what college might be like. Late nights with my spider coffee cup, (thanks Kristy) hours spent at Barnes and noble reading a book that I'm too cheap to actually buy, and really wanting to learn something.

Through out high school I've had a number of good teachers. However, this year Coach Lamon has trumped them all. Not that he is a better teacher, or that I have learned more in his class, or that I like his teaching; though all that is true, but he just genuinely loves learning and he has the ability to share that with people. That is what I love most about him. Also, I know he genuinely wants us to succeed and grow as people; not just students. He has instilled in me a real desire to learn and to not waste my talents. So, thanks coach.

12:55 am

It's late and just like every other day since Saturday I'm still awake, and have no intention of going to bed for at least another hour or so. I have recently become a night crawler. I usually cherish my sleep but lately I've just found other things to do, or other reasons to stay awake. Tonight I have several reasons to be awake.
-I have alot on my mind and by staying busy I can block them out for now. However they will flood my mind when my head hits the pillow.
-I'm trying to back up all my music and pictures on this funky machine thing.
-I'm also trying to transfer all my music to my laptop....this is a huge pain so far.

My day was really good until about 9 o'clock and then it all went south. At the present moment I feel like a terrible human being who refuses to learn from her mistakes.

Days Like Today

On a day like today, I feel a little bipolar...just like the weather. A bit of rainy day syndrome and a little bit of sunshine excitement. But Mostly I feel like becoming lost inside my own thoughts on life and love or lack there of. I feel like becoming lost inside new music. I feel like taking a nap. I feel like reading outside. I feel like just sitting at home and enjoying my own solitude but in a good productive way. But instead I think I'll grab a cup of coffee and go to church for mid school bible study. On days like today I feel a little out of place with the world.

hmm

I think to much....

Pieces of Prom 1

This past saturday was prom number 1 for me. Marcus high school's prom. I went with the cbc youth group and more specifically with this kid named Ethan. Over all it was really fun. A little awkward in parts, mainly cause I knew about 15 people in a room of 4oo or so, but all in all it was a good night. Once we started to dance and things loosened up a bit everything went pretty smoothly from there. After the dance we went to Nathan and Kim's house to party some more. (Thank you Nathan and Kim) This part of the night was even more fun I think cause we just got to hang out with eachother and there was the added bonus of me actually knowing everyone! woo! We played a little poker, which quickly turned into a really funny joke for me and Bethany! We watched movies and ate. I got about 15 minutes of sleep that night then went to church to serve the offerring and do communion. It was really good that they had us stay for the whole service to give out communion, cause I really needed to hear what Pastor Steve was talking about. He spoke about forgiveness, and well I needed to forgive some people for something. It was all stuff I had already heard before; he didn't say a single new thing. But its good to get a reminder of stuff you've forgotten every once in a while.

Prom 1 was really good. Now it's time to focus on prom 2.

Tired of being a senior

Seniority, Senioritis, Senior Status....All are enjoyable parts of being a senior, but I'm starting to notice the downside of senior year! There is just to much stuff that comes along with being a senior. Some of which is fun to do and some not so much, but all of which just take to much of my time and the overload is stressful. At the top of the priority list are things like applying for colleges and scholarships, FAFSA applications, going on visits and applying for housing and such. Also near the top of the list are things like senior pictures, buying ans sending grad announcements, buying a cap and gown, (for some, making sure you actually are going to graduate). But on top of all that there is all this random small stuff that just adds up like crazy! Senior scrapbooks for English class, AP tests, senior boards at church, finding pics for slide shows, senior speeches, picking songs for senior cd's and slide shows, appointments with counselors, etc. I can't even think of it all right now but I know there is more. Don't get me wrong, I am really enjoying senior year, and I'll be happy that I have all the mementos later. I'm just tired of it right now. I'm ready to be a care free freshman again.

Pretty Woman

Lately I have enjoyed a renewed level of self confidence, and I'm loving it! Diet plan is going pretty well with the loss of nine pounds, so I feel really good about myself. On top of that I've been getting some unsuspected attention from a certain boy. Also I was asked to escort my friend in our Mr. All-American pageant, so I got to get all dressed up and walk him across stage, which was fun. Yesterday was great too. All the CBC prom going girls got all dressed up to take pictures. I felt really beautiful, and that made me really happy! YAY! To top it off, I bought a random black dress tonight. It's really cute and simple. I love it alot!

Procrastination

Lately I have procrastinated doing:
-bible study
-home work
-Mexico support letters
-buying a camera
-reading
-cleaning my bathroom
-posting ski trip pictures
-working on the choir slide show
-updating myspace
-studying for AP exams
-applying for scholarships
-applying for FAFSA
-applying for off campus living
-scheduling a meeting with my UNT advisor

Short Thoughts

Just some random short thoughts for today

-going to the gym after pigging out on pizza is a very good/very bad idea!
-I miss Kim's blog
-I just owned the essay over ww1 I had to write for AP European history
-I think I might enjoy reading Frankenstein for English, but I don't enjoy the assignment that goes along with it....sad day
-I think I'm going to go read in the bath tub when I finish writing this.
-I hate AP economics
-I hate missing 2 weeks of tues night bible study for stupid practice AP exams
-I'm excited about leaving for South Padre on Thursday for choir trip even though I secretly don't think it's gonna be that great
-healthy snacks just aren't as fun
-I've lost 3 pounds since I started going to the gym
-I'm pretty much over not being able to go to Italy this summer. God opened up another opportunity to go on an awesome road trip with some of my best friends.
-I'm not sure I'll miss many of my school friends when college rolls around. I think that's cause I'm not very plugged in.
-I love flowers on the side of the road, it makes driving 10xs more enjoyable!
-my favorite flowers (on the side of the road) are the little dark red ones.
-I need to get my prom dress altered SOON
-I really enjoy working out with my brother, I love that we are at an age that we can hang out and its normal.
-Life's going pretty good at the moment. woo!

Ah, no school

So it's really great when "the good kid" wins. I never skip school, I get good grades, and I'm always respectful even to those who I dislike. But today I needed to not go to first block, AP European history because I just was not prepared to turn in our take home test. So because I never skip school, and I get good grades, and I'm respectful, I got to stay home. Extra sleep, and peace of mind are only two of the benefits of being the "good kid". Woo-hoo!

On another note, next week I get to skip school 3 days in a row for choir stuff. I'm going to padre for our choir trip! WOO!!!

Gotta love no school!

He's at it again

That's right folks, God is doing stuff in my life again. (not that He ever stops) But this time it's REALLY noticeable. Turns out I wont be going to Italy after all. Apparently not enough people signed up for the trip so the company is canceling it. Which really really sucks. But after many tears and alot of thinking I've decided that God didn't want me in Italy this summer or at the very least not on that trip so He changed my plans. I've also decided that what ever it is that I will be doing July12-Aug 3 will be way better then chillen in Italy. I've prayed about it alot and asked God to make clear whatever it is I'm supposed to do now. Maybe I'll find another company and take a different trip, or maybe a road trip with Bethany, or maybe I'll just stay at home and work music camp again. I dunno. But I'm just waiting on the Lord to show me what that path is, and trusting in His plan.

Dang it, Double Secret Probation!!!

Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to describe how crazy busy my life has been lately and sadly blogging just didn't make the list of super important must do stuff.

Ok so life has been busy, but it's also been pretty great. First off God is in the middle of teaching me some pretty important stuff right now. Lately I've gotten into the habit of doing church rather then building a relationship with Him. This is of course a huge problem which I'm trying to fix. Mrs. G's Senior bible study is rocking my life! I just have to put it out there. I'm learning so much about everything in that bible study and it's making me so excited about studying the Word of God. I've actually for the first time in my life gotten into a fairly regular pattern of personal study.

I'm also really excited about PROMS!!! I just got my dress on Thursday and it's gorgeous! I love it! I'm going with the church folk to Marcus' prom on the 3rd which I'm super excited about. Also the party at Nathan and Kim's house! WOO-HOO!!! I'm also going to my own prom of course, to which I have a date! yay! Now it's just a as friends thing but that's ok, I have someone to slow dance with! whoot! This will actually be the first dance I have ever had a date for...kinda lame I know, but that just makes this one super exciting! But let me just tell you how crazy he is. He is one of my favorite people in the world but he is also one of the most unique and insane people I have ever met! So insane that he plans to wear a ZUIT SUIT!!! You know.....zuit suit riot, RIOT! I think it's a little ridiculous but as his date I'm ok with it. Why should it matter. It totally fits his style and personality and it'll be funny as all get out. Makes for some memorable pictures! Anyway all my best friends are going to be with us in a group and it's gonna be really fun! To bad it costs so freaking much!

Now I must tell you that I secretly love watching the biggest loser on tv! I think its a really good show and I dunno I guess I just like sitting on my couch eating a snack watching other people lose weight. lol Well it, along with prom, and the desire to look cute on the beach this summer have finally motivated me to get active. I started out just on a diet. A sorta diet. Then it turned into I was on a diet. Then, "huh? diet?" lol But all that is back on track now! woo! My brother and I actually joined a rec center near my house cause its much cheaper then the big gyms and it has all we really need anyway. That was a weak ago on Monday. Since then I have been almost every day. I really enjoy it too. Makes me feel better about myself and also my brother and I have gotten a chance to hang out and do something productive together!

Speaking of my brother, he is 22 and about to close on his brand spanking new house in a few weeks. It's amazing! I'm so proud of him. He has come through so much and to think that at 22 he is the proud owner of a house. It's really cute how subtly excited he is about it. Just about every 3 days since they started building it he has gone over and taken pictures of everything new. He has a whole photo album of the construction of his house. Its really cool. It has the perfect location with a pond and fountain right behind it out the window.

Finally Praise God! I'm pretty sure that this singing for money thing at my directors church on Sunday mornings is going to become pretty regular! How amazing it is that God really does provide for everything we need.

Recent Happenings

In fear of being put on Brent's double secret probation list I decided that I needed to blog again. So here's what's on my mind.

-Kristy Alpert is officially the most beautiful bride in the world. She was truly radiant on Saturday, March 1st, 2008 as she exchanged vows with Mark. Only God knows how much of an impact she truly has had upon my life and how much I love her. I just praise God that He has blessed her with such a beautiful, God-centered marriage.

-Flower Girls rock! I can't even put into words how amazing our rehearsal dinner party at mrs. g's was. We went around in a circle and introduced ourselves and told what God was doing in our lives at the moment or just shared where we were at. It was the most encouraging night I've had in the last year. There was something beautiful about 20 girls in one room who all love Christ and who are all struggling. As the girls told their stories and shared their experiences there was hope and peace within their pain. Each girl glowed with the joy of Christ even as they shared their struggles. Myself, being of the youngest in the bunch, I found these girls to be so encouraging. I know that there is hope in Christ and these girls proved to me the absolute truth in that.

-God Provides. Most of you are aware of the amazing blessings God has given my this year with all the traveling I will be doing. However each of these trips cost ALOT. Luckily my family is financially able to send me to all these places, but it's still straining on them. On top of that I ask for money all the time anyway for food and stuff since I have no way of making money. But praise our God who gives! The other day, completely out of the blue a lady from our church calls me. She said she saw me work with the children during Music Camp and needs a babysitter! On top of this completely random opportunity, the job also happened to be at a time when I'm actually not busy!!! Praise God! So I was all pumped up about this and then a day or two later I got presented with another opportunity to make some money singing at a church every Sunday morning in March!!! This is extremely amazing and a true blessing!

-Lent. Thanks to my cool friend Bailey I was inspired to give up music in the car for lent. This has without a doubt been a blessing for me. God has been teaching me the importance of focusing on Him. I've been able to use much of this quite car time to pray and just reflect on stuff. I've grown so much during this short time. I've learned the importance of prayer, and I no longer struggle with that whole "awkward talking to God" thing. Focusing on God has changed my life! I have suddenly become so aware of how He is working in my life and how often he answers my prayers. Also how God provides before I even need to ask. I've been able to find joy in Christ. Hallelujah

In conclusion.....Praise God!

Good Afternoon, Good Evening, and Good Night

It's Sunday? Who knew?

Yesterday morning all I could do was complain about the lack of sleep I got that night. I had gone to Denton High's Fillies Follies show, (the drill team's big show) to support a few friends of mine. I got back home at around 11pm and was in bed by 11:30. I needed to get up by 6am on Saturday morning. I had a competion for choir, solo and ensomble, so I needed to be well rested and in good singing condition. (especially with the mass sickness that everyone has going around) I had to get dressed up and be at school by 7:15, which meant leaving the house at 6:50. All was good...until about 2am when my dear brother calls me 3 times in a row. Now my phone was on viberate so I only sorta knew someone was calling, but not really. Finally the third time he called me I answered with a grumbly hellllloooo....? He told me to get up cause he and 5 or so people were coming over to hang out and that I should join them. [I'll take a side note here and explain that this is a fairly common occurance in my life so I wasn't at all surprised by this and would have enjoyed hanging out with them since they are all very fun people if I hadn't needed to be awake so early.] So I told him that I had to wake up early and so I could not hang out with them. However, it didn't make much difference and I could've hung out anyway since I could not sleep from 2-4:30 due to their very loud presence in my house. I spent that time going in and out of sleep in very small increments. I would just barely be asleep, and then rudely awakened again by a door slamming or sudden laughter. By about 4:30, the group had calmed down, most people had left and only a few remained but they were asleep. So I had finally been able to fall asleep for a fair amount of time....until 4:49. For whatever reason I woke up at 4:49 and looked at the clock across the room and was fully convinced that it was 6:49! I had to leave my house at 6:50 to be at the school on tme and make the bus! So I frantically ran to the bathroom to start getting ready and a few minutes later I looked at the clock again. This time however, it occured to me that it was only 4 something. I then crawled back to bed and sleept until my alarm went off.

So that was yesterday's big topic of discussion for me. I was tired all day, but I did perform well. I got back home from the contest around 1pm and sat down to watch a movie. Later I wondered around the house looking for something to do, but all I wanted to do was take a nap. So I went to lay back down in bed. I didn't set an alarm cause I didn't have to be anywhere in particular, and I figured that I would just wake up in a few hours or so. I woke up at 8:54 am this morning. I slept for a grand total of 18 hours! Although I'm sorta bummed that I lost a whole day I am really enjoying this day. Usually I'll sleep till 10-12 on sunday morning, but today I was up and awake by 9. I feel great today too. I made myself some coffee and fixed a real breakfast and sat down and wrote this blog and I'm just really enjoying this day so far.

Sleep is a blessing. I feel caught up and refreshed. And I'm ready to enjoy this day, and use it to it's full potential.

In Response

I do believe that I have been tagged, and that because of this I am expected to write a blog about the things I truly love....? So it goes.

Things that I love:
-The feeling of a fuzzy blanket and fuzzy socks curled up with a good book in front of the fire on a cold winter night. (which hasn't happened this year)
-A beautiful melody and a gorgeous voice to match
-an hour long bubble bath after a stressful day
-when Erin hugs me and really means it
-Campfire smell on a cold day
-January sunset, some of God's best artwork
-listening to melo music on the lake
-When you can feel the sun on your skin but your not hot
-Seeing the fireworks reflect off the lake on July 4th
-When movies or books make me cry
-I love the feeling you get when people really are proud off of you
-the odd smell of nail salons
-being alone
-watching people laugh when something really is that funny
-the weird looks people give you when you're singing and dancing in the car
-when people open up and start acting real
-when I can open up and act real
-dried out flowers (they are prettier dead then alive)
-watching Erin sleep
-walking in a room and being greeted with cheers

There are more I'm sure, but for now that is all I have time to think about.

Since a very select few read my blog, I'll tag people in a hopeless attempt to make this chain continue. I tag: Nathan, Mish, Casey, and Brent

Ps. The spell check button isn't working, please ignore. :)

Talking a Big Talk

....and not walking a big walk. Well today I was talking to someone who just really hates their life and how they live it, and so I gave my advice. This persons problem was that they let stress rule their lives. They do not know how to do the neccessary and also do the fun. So my advice was to reprioritize and organize their life. Give things a time and place and have guide lines, at least some kind of a schedule. I know this person very well and if they would just do this, it would help! A lot! But I should take my own advice. I too let being busy over stress me sometimes and I often am my own worst enemy adding unneccessary stuff to my to do list. I think many of us should stop and take a look at our lives and the stuff we do. Cut out the fat....get rid of the useless stuff. Give ourselves alone time, and friend time, and work time, and family time, and GOD time. So many of us today run around like chickens with our heads cut off. We have so much to do that we don't actually get anything done. We want to do so many things so we only put half our effort into things. We need reform. A lifestyle revolution. It's hard though. I know, because I've tried. But every time I have tried in the past I always skipped right past step 1. So here is my advice to all of you who also need to reform your lifestyle. Step 1: Give God Control, Ask For His Help.

Truth or Dare

A game of the ages. I don't know anyone who has never played, whether formal game play, or spontaneous dares. But few have ever viewed this game as anything but a silly child's game or a teens game of pushing limits. However this is changing with the simple spark of genius by a dear friend and the effort put forth by several. Truth or dare, a game used most often to humiliate and test morals is now being used to strengthen walks with Christ. How amazing is this change.

In our Tuesday night small group my fellow leaders and I have decided to create journals to give to our girls. In these journals each week the girls will have a truth or a dare to complete throughout the week. Truth refers to the Bible which is truth, God's word. In theses tasks the girls are challenged to read passages and to dive into the bible and journal about how this truth effected them that week and what they learned. For a dare, we base it off of a passage usually centered on what we learned that week. For example last week in bible study we talked about loving each other and how God calls us to love. So the dare for this week was to go out and love. To be conscious and taking advantage of every opportunity to love people.

Anyway, it's working out really great so far and I'm excited to see where God takes us.

On Bleeding

I gave blood this past Friday.I'll be honest and say that I was kinda freaked out by it. I don't like needles and I don't like pain and I really don't like this idea of them "missing" your vain. But never the less, here's my experience. I didn't get the chance to go do it until around third block, so about 1pm. I left my third block class since we weren't doing anything and made my way to the big gym. When I walked in I saw people lying in weird reclining chairs and my first thought was of Sweeney Todd and the chair that drops all the dead people to the basement.....Anyway, since I was a first time donor I had to fill out a lot of paper work and answer several questions. The lady at the desk was sorta rude, but maybe she was just tired or something. After the paper work I went to the next booth and they asked more questions. They were sorta worried about my several trips down to Juarez but it turned out that everything was fine. After that this lady pricked my finger to see if my iron level was good enough to donate blood and to make sure I wasn't anemic. Everything was great, I'm in good health and so I moved on to the final stage and sat down in the Sweeney Todd chair. The women who was going to take my blood was a large, black woman with several gold teeth (one of which had a cross imprint). She was an interesting character but she was very nice and she made me feel comfortable. That is until she couldn't find my vain....apparently my veins are really deep. It took forever to find it! I spent several minutes squeezing the stress ball, and she kept making the tourniquet thing tighter and tighter. Finally it popped up and she went to grab the blood bag and tubes and things and when she got back the darn vain had disappeared again. I nervously made jokes to try and lighten my mood but at this point I was really freaking out. All I could think about was that she would have trouble finding my vain and that she would miss and it would hurt a lot! I kind of cried, not a lot but a few nervous tears. She finally found the vain again and then put the needle in and the blood was flowing. It really wasn't that bad, in fact the finger prick before had hurt worse. However, I looked over before she had covered it up and it was pretty gross looking. I could see my skin and then a needle sticking out of it....eww. I had to continue to squeeze the stress ball to keep the blood flow going. This got increasingly difficult because my arm had fallen asleep and it was tingly feeling. In fact it continued to get worse and that needle feeling started on my finger tips! That was the worst part about the whole process. I could also feel the blood pulsing out of my body. It was like feeling your heart beat, but you know that its your blood instead. I started to get a little light headed but they put a wash cloth on my head and gave me some powerade and I felt much better. Aside from the asleep arm feeling the other worst part was that I was freezing to death! My Sweeney Todd chair was right in front of the open doors to the outside. Over all though it was a good experience and I would surely do it again.

I'M RICH!!! Who Knew?

I read an article today that was written in 2006 (so now the numbers may be slightly different). My economics teacher, also my Euro teacher, who is one of the best teachers I've had through out my education gave it to us to read. It was very interesting to me because it told me that I was among the richest of the world in many ways. In fact it went so far as to say that research indicates that a person only needs $2,200 of total net worth to be among the top half of the wealthiest people in the world. And only $61,000 to be in the top 10%.

We in America tend to compare our state of wealth with celebrities, and powerful businessmen, and Bill Gates...and because of this we sometimes view ourselves as poor, or "just middle class". But what we aren't realizing is that half of the world is living off of $2 a day! It floors me to think that at age 18, I myself am close to owning $2,200 in capital, if not there already. However, I am still completely dependant upon my parents as my main way of attaining money. And yet, I am among the richest in the world. Not to mention that my family would hit the 10% mark at least.

This article said that the three richest men in the world, Gates, Warren Buffet, and Carlos Slim Helu, each have more money than the poorest 48 nations combined!!! How does one person have more money than 48 nations??? What do they do with it?

This article just got me thinking. It got me thinking about how much I take for granted, not only the big stuff, but every day things too. It also got me thinking about how little I (or we as the wealthy half) do to spread the wealth.

I've been reading a lot in Thessalonians and John, and serventhood has come up several times. I tend to get into my grove and go about my weekly business, and I put in my service hours with Tues night, or random tasks around the house. But that is just not good enough. Yes, those things are great, but I should be constantly serving. Always searching for opportunities to spread the wealth, money or not. This leads me to another thing that has been pacing through my mind. National Honor Society at my school is holding a blood drive tomorrow. I really really really do not want to do it, because I do not like needles. But lately God has really put it on my heart to go through with it. I am in great health and I am "rich" in blood, but so many people out there are not. It is selfish of me to let my fear stop me from serving those people. We all should be looking out for ways that we can share our wealth regardless of what form of wealth we are talking about.

So look out for my next blog featuring my first experience ever with the removal of blood from my body.

On People That Think They Are Better

I've been noticing lately that all around me there are swarms of people who apparently have the mind set that they are better then the people around them. Either they are better some how, or they have some divine right to be exempt from all the common courtesies of society. Just today I have two fresh examples of this most annoying reality.

There is one particular lunch line at school that sells chicken sandwiches, pizza, and an assortment of snacks. This line goes up to a cart instead of the traditional kitchen service line. So the line (which is blatantly obvious) goes off to the side of the cart and continues across the side of the cafeteria; and there I stand, some where in the middle of this line, patiently waiting for my turn to pay for my food. Then walks up Joe Shmo who thinks he is so much more important then all the other people who have been waiting in line. But he doesn't just slip in with a friend some where in line....NO....he boldly walks straight up to the cart and cuts in front of the next person in line and buys his food. This problem wouldn't be as bad if Joe was just a lone rude kid in the midst of many well mannered students, but he is not. Joe has a following of about half the school and so as I wait (not so patiently) in line for food, about 10 different people walk up and repeat Mr Shmo's bold rudeness. And so I wait, and wait, and the line never moves! Ugh. It also bothers me that the lady at the cart sees the whole thing happen over and over and yet continues to serve these high and mighty people before the rest of us!

The second example I have experienced today happened while driving...of course. It happens quite often actually and I notice every day as I make my way toward church. There is a little street called 407, and another which I don't know the name of but it's that street you turn to to go to Briar hill, or KK. Anyway, 407 becomes one lane after that street light and the previous right lane becomes a turn only lane. Well, the turn only sign is actually quite far back on the road so people should be aware of the soon ending of that lane and yet they continue to ride that lane to skip the line of traffic waiting for the green light and then squeeze in front of everyone else right before the lane ends completely. This just really bugs me. I'd like to think that maybe the person is just not from around here and didn't realize the lane ended, this happened to me so I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt...but when you sit in traffic and watch car after car buzz by you and then see not one of them turn from the before mentioned TURN ONLY lane....it really starts to annoy.

But like I said earlier, there must be something about them that because of my ignorance I just haven't noticed yet. They must be better than I, or just divinely exempt from those common courtesies....

I Just Killed a Tree

Yep that's right....In the name of AP European History I just printed off 14 pages of notes, mostly double sided and all about the French Revolution.

Since I have nothing inspiring to talk about here are some things I've been thinking about lately.
-McMurry University is a small private school outside of Abeline. They continue to send me applications, and scholarship info, and academic info, and housing info, activity info, and music info.....(i could go on) I have received more info from this small school than I have from every other school combined.....(if I'm exaggerating it's only by a little bit) In fact they have personally called me several times and tonight I was on the phone with the admissions guy talking about scholarships and things. It seems to me that they would like me to go to there school. It has also crossed my mind that maybe the extreme about of persistence from them could in fact be a little message from God. But I'm not convinced. I don't want to go there mainly because its in a super small town. Aside from that it seems like a good school I guess. Tonight during my little conference call the man told me I was likely to get a $7,000 scholarship! Which would be awesome....if it didn't cost $27,000 a year! I'm also thinking that if colleges didn't send out so much advertising crap that it wouldn't cost so darn much!

-I went to a wedding this weekend up in Tipton Indiana, I'm sure you've never heard of good ol' Tipton, and well, you're not missing much. It was a nice little wedding, my uncle Tom was tying the knot for the 3rd time. It's interesting the my dad is 40-something and has been married once, the middle brother is 40 something and has never been married....and doesn't plan on it, and the youngest brother is 40 something and has been married three times. Anyway, I got to sit on the front row since my family and my grandma were the only family of groom present. I don't think that the organist playing the entrance music had ever seen an organ, or sheet music in his life, but the vocalist did a fine job. For Brent's sake I'd like to note that no flash photography was taken through the hole event. (maybe someone in Tipton reads your blog )

-During my trip I realized just how attached to material possessions I am. At some point between the wedding and the middle of the reception my $300 brand spanken new camera got lost or stolen. I cried. I really was devastated. I only had it since Christmas and I really really really loved it. I'm not sure if I was more upset about losing the camera or the 200 pictures I had on there from all state auds, choir stuff, and pine cove.

Poetry

Time Line

Standing on a line, years surrounding, yet still.
Past marked by a view of color and thrill.
The eye overwhelmed, caught by a moment,
And again by one less current.
Listen in to a history all your own,
Examining a time well known.
Vibrant music, a tune you can see.
This life known unto me.
Joy gives flight to a new dance,
Spirals only stop to catch a glance.
Still standing on that line, years still present,
Looking ahead at time not yet spent.
The dance is gone, fear sweeps over head.
This sea of gray I dread.
Wanting only to turn around,
Tightly to this line my feet are bound.
Forced into this time, I was unaware,
Afraid to move toward this affair.
Bended knee and silent prayer,
An open eye, the line less bare.
Flash of hope, color of truth,
Just fear embedded in my youth.

Jan 9, 2008 Lauren Gish

2008, yep it's GREAT!!!

So, my year is starting off beautifully. It's only January 5th and I can very happily say that I am once again a member of the TMEA All-State Women's Choir!!!! WOO Our last audition was today in Abeline, and although I did not do as well as I had hoped, I'm still so super excited about making a choir and going to San Antonio with a bunch of friends in the middle of February.

Also I'm so super excited about PINE COVE 08 this coming week end! WOO HOO!!!!

I don't have much to say so I'll leave you with a poem I wrote the other day. I have had a major writers block basically over the past year, and finally I have written something I'm kinda proud of. Actually I have written several things lately. YAY

It doesn't reflect my life (so don't freak out) but it does reflect the lives of some people I know. My heart went out to one of them and so I wrote this.

Best Friends Forever

Lauren Gish

Laugh it up, have your fun

Disregarding everyone.

Play your games, go ahead

Until you wind up dead.

You think this wont affect me,

and you think that no one cares.

But that wont change reality

and the damage that is there.

I see you waste your life away

on a lie society tells.

And I had hoped you would be smarter then that,

but disappointment never fails.

Now I'm tired of being used,

and I'm tired of being hated.

I'm tired of being lied to,

It's not appreciated.

So I've made up my mind,

you've made it very clear.

Best friend forever,

No longer wanted here.

The Unavoidable New Year Blog

I guess the appropriate way to start this blog would be to over view 2007. The problem with this is that I can hardly remember what happened yesterday. Of course this is an over dramatic statement, but there is some truth to the severity of my personal lack of memory of this past year. I have spent my year like so many other people in the world, RUNNING!!!! And of course not the good, healthy kind of running, but the intense, hectic, stressful running around like a chicken with its head cut off! In a nutshell 2007 was busy. Which brings me to new years resolution #1 Enjoy the busyness of my life. Although my life is busy, I don't see why I can't still enjoy it. But I have been so rapped up in what I have NEXT, that I have often ignored what I am doing NOW. This is a huge problem because I have stopped enjoying the things that I do. But in 2008 it is my resolution to stop and focus on the present moments and enjoy the NOWs in life. NEXT will come in its own time. Resolution #2 Make an effort to be more outgoing and make myself more accessible to others. I have spent so much of 2007 alone. I do love my alone time, but I have become some what of a recluse. In the down time that I do have amongst the busyness, I have gotten in the habit of turning down opportunities to hang out and I have just chilled at home alone. The problem with this is that then I complain when people stop calling and inviting me to things. So in 2008 I refuse to be a recluse! Along with not reclusing myself, this resolution also has another side to it. I must become more outgoing. I have decided that as a person I SUCK at small talk and getting to know new people. But I have now decided that I was retarded when I made that first decision about myself and that not being good at it is just a matter of lack of effort and practice. So in 2008 I'm gonna get out there and meet new people and get to know them. This is absolutely necessary in 2008 since I have college and my amazing trip to Italy coming up!

So back to 2007. Here are some things that I enjoyed or didn't enjoy or just happened or didn't happen.....w/e
-I got pulled over by a cop for the first time ever! But he let me off with a warning. I was going 42 in a 35 in my neighborhood. I don't speed as much anymore. : )
-I went to Ireland. This was the first time I have traveled to Europe and I fell in love with it! I also fell in love with traveling the world. Ireland was amazing. Everything was so beautiful there and I had so much fun. I was able to grow closer to my best friend and with Christ through a devotional that we did together in the hotels at night.
-I became an adult this past November. That's right, I can vote....and buy sharpies! (line stolen from the bestie)
-I grew closer with my brother in 07. It amazes me that just 4 years ago we HATED each other. He has come so far from where he was in high school to where he is now and I am SO proud of him. I thank God that He has restored our friendship in the past couple of years and especially 2007.
-New friendships arose this year. Just to name a few, I have become good friends with Kelsey, Bethany, and Sarah. Kelsey and I became friends almost instantly during Music Camp this year. Although we had known each other and been friends before music camp, those 100 something hours together impacted our relationship so much and I don't know how I would have gone through this half of 07 without her! It would have been way boring without her! I have enjoyed so much our dinners at Quizznos, even though I sorta have problems showing up sometimes....She is my most interesting friends by far and always has something intriguing to say. Bethany and I have known each other through bible study for at least 3 years now but never really got to know each other. But some how this year we just became friends. I cant even remember how it happened. But now she is one of my favorite people in the world! I love all the little chats that we have had regarding the future and life and family and God and everything else at the most random of times and places (like KK [that's Kids Kastle for those who just don't know] ). Sarah and I met in 2006 in Galveston on our choir trip but 2007 has brought an amazing friendship and with that growth in Christ! She is my most encouraging friend. She is who I complain to when life isn't going my way and who I jump up and down with when something amazing happens. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for the many nights we have spent watching rented lame girly movies and eating pints of ice cream together. She always helps me decide between cookies in cream and cookie dough! I love her a whole lot!
-I made the Texas All-State Womens Choir.
-2007 has brought alot of understanding about myself and boys. Just some things that I learned: I don't do long distance (even if its as close as Dallas). I hate it when boys constantly text me. I don't have time for that. It's very important that a boy knows Christ. Impulse is never a good thing. Forgiveness is always worth it. And finally, the only boy I need to be happy is Jesus Christ.
-I got to enjoy being a part of my youth group. This year was the first year that I have ever really felt like I had a family at CBC. I love it.
-I recorded a CD!
-Sarah and I went to so many shows and concerts this year. Music has really puts its mark on 2007 thanks to Sarah, the ability to drive, and free nokia tickets from daddy!

I'm sure there's more, but I must move on. So here are some things that I'm looking forward to in 2008!!!!
-GRADUATION!!!!!! WOOO!!!!
-An Amazing 22 day trip to Italy and Greece in July!
-College! I will be attending the University of North Texas. I had a bit of bitterness about it for a while but I am completely over that. A friend helped me to see the good of UNT and that it can be just as much fun as anywhere else. Also I have come to terms that staying home is God's plan for me right now. So UNT it is! Go EAGLES!
-Mark and Kristy's wedding! I'm so excited to be a flower girl and be able to share in this amazing part of Kristy's life. She has been such an angel in my life and I'm so glad that she found so much happiness and that God has blessed her with such an amazing guy as Mark! She deserves it!
-Ski trip at CBC. YAY
-Pine Cove 08!

As far as I can tell 2008 will be an amazing year and I can't wait to really dive in.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.