A Side Note

My hand-eye coordination is really off today. I am not a clumsy person for the most part but today I have run into several walls, doors, random decor items...etc. It's quite ridiculous!

Today

So far my weekend has turned out quite well I think. I might even be coming out of my funk. YAY! Anyway, today is a great day to:
relax
read the newspaper
catch up on homework
watch tv
read a book
practice my music for all state

But so far I have not done much. I spent my day cleaning the house from the destruction my brother caused. I did get a little music rehearsal in and that brings me here, playing on the computer, when I should be reading The Prince and doing my journals for Euro hist. Oh well, I'm a great procrastinator!

Enjoy your Sunday!

Green Day

I thought I would dedicate this day to a little band called Green day, since they once wrote a song that within its first few lines sums up my whole day.

"Do you have the time, to listen to me whine. About nothing and everything all at once? I am one of those melodramatic fools, neurotic to the bone no doubt about it. "

Today...had it's highlights, but over all just a very sucky day.

Saw you at the pole

God freakin rocks.

I've never been to a "see you at the pole" event. I always say I'm going and every year I either forget, or don't wake up on time. Well my senior year, and I finally went. Its was great. It's so encouraging to come together with other believers, most who I didn't know and just pray for our school and worship. Some boys brought guitars and they led us in worship and then we broke off into smaller groups to pray. After that those boys had to leave along with some other people but the rest of us just stayed and sang songs as they came to us. It was pretty fun. Then as the remnant prayed together in a circle, people kept asking God to show us opportunities to tell others about Him, and to just be a shining light in our school for Him. The cool thing was that He actually did give me that opportunity.

In Ap gov, as I was rummaging through my binder I had a flyer for syatp in the pocket and a friend of mine asked me what it was. I was kind of caught off guard since I just assumed most everyone knew about it at least, but I guess not. So through that I was able to explain to her and the other two people at my table why we gathered together earlier that morning. Soon they were asking me questions like why Christians tended to be more fellowshipy (don't hate on my word) then people of other religions, and about salvation through faith vs. faith and works, along with some other stuff. It was pretty great. I just thank God that I was able to speak to them (a group of very liberal, anti-religious kids who also regularly take part in the teenage statistic stuff) and not come off as a close minded Jesus Freak, who only wants to bible beat and condemn them to hell, which is how they feel about most people who talk about God around them I guess.

So the moral of today's story is that when you ask you shall receive.

Just some stuff

-I'm still in my funk, and it's starting to annoy me!
-I got to hang with my awesome friend Taylor today!
-I love my brother, but I'm DREADING the day I live next door.
-I'm super happy about getting 1st place out of 130 girls during my 1st phase of all state auditions this past sat.
-I think church did a really good job on communion tonight.
-I finally got to finish This Present Darkness by Frank E. Peretti on Saturday. It was pretty good. Made me think a lot.
-I decided to walk to go get the paper today. WORST DECISION EVER!!! I did not realize how long of a walk it really was and I was so hot and sticky by the time I got home. It was miserable!
-I still don't have a clue about what I'm going to do in college. It's annoying.
-I spend WAY more time thinking about what I'll do this summer then I am thinking about school next year! I think I might take a student tour through Italy, Greece and a day trip to Ephesus! Super Cool. I'm not for sure that I'll be able to go yet, but I'm looking into it and really want to. So far things are looking up.
-So excited that ski trip is still on. Although I am bummed that I will miss Battle cry.
-I hate that Ive had such a hard time waking up lately.
-Ive started to embrace senioritis.
-I think Ill go to coffee shop this Thursday.
-right now, I should be doing homework......again, senioritis.
-besides talking to Taylor, Ive basically quite using myspace and facebook.
-Ive been making time for all the wrong things.
-Yesterday was a day that I wished that I was still young and ignorant to what was going on around me.

Teenage Battle Scars

I'm not a generally naive person who thinks things like "drugs aren't a big deal at our school", or "That's a nice girl, I just can't see her having sex at such a young age", but I do like to think that while these are issues among other things, that's some how it's still under control. By under control I mean that there is a normalcy and limit of teenage bad behavior. However, today I had a run-in that told me differently. Teens these days are really running wild whether we realize it or not.

I was sitting in a class today and we didn't have anything to do. The girls at my table started a conversation about their boyfriends and their drama, typical girl stuff right? Wrong. My boy stuff and drama peeks at a level of: does he like me or not? is he cheating on her? who will I go to homecoming with? But these girls talked for an hour about their boys who ranged from ages of 17-30 and married!!! Keep in mind these are 17 year old girls too. And multiple boys. I wont go into detail but some of these stories I was hearing were incredibly unbelievable. I have even recently heard a story of a girl who waited for a while and went slow in her relationship but finally gave in and was dumped a week later. Most of the girls came from not so hot homes and had history with all the other normal teen stuff. Then finally to top my day off, I found out that a friend was into some tragic habits and it blew me away that I'm close to this person and didn't have a clue.

Now these are just instances from today and I could add many more from days past. But I am just floored that so many teens today are involved in sex, drugs, alcohol, cutting, and not only involved because I was all ready well aware of that, but to be in so deep and to have been in for so many years. Some people I know started this routine at 13! It's sad. Not only a sad statistic but such a sad reality to watch these boys and girls, my peers and my friends be so lost and confused, be so caught up in their messes, and be so alright with it. Its sad.

But where does that put me? I'm wondering today how it was that I have managed to come through most of high school with virtually no battle scars. Sure I keep a pretty clean cut group of friends but I have friends who aren't so good too. And yes, I was brought up in a good home and had the chance to watch and learn from other peoples mistakes. But I attribute my being able to get through high school resisting the teenage stereotype by God's grace alone. I find myself thanking God today for protecting me from this suffering and for allowing me to understand and come to love Him at such a young age and have time to grow. I have been tempted on several occasions with various things and without God I would have fallen to the pressures like so many of my friends have. It amazes me how truly evident God is in my life. But I take it for granted by glorifying myself and MY "good choices". But no, I have done nothing.

So today I encourage you to look at your life and search out the ways that God is evident in your life. How has He protected you against temptations or suffering? Or how has He helped you out of those places when you do fail? Don't take God for granted today. Praise Him, and let your "good choices" be to His glory!

Happy Thoughts

I've decided to post something of a positive nature. So here are some things that I'm really enjoying about school.
-Although the boys in my show choir suck.....(really)....my director gave us 5 girls a piece of our own to do. It's a five part (every girl has their own part) version of Killing Me Softly. I'm really enjoying it! Finally a really fun and also challenging song, that I'm sure will turn out very nicely at the concert.
-Chambers. Choir is choir, but every year rives (dir) gets nicer and easier to be around, so that's a plus.
-Ap gov sucks as a course and topic to study, but I love the people at my table. That is one of the most entertaining 1 1/2 hours of my week.
-Crossword puzzles are the new fad in my inner circle in ap gov. Its a pass time we all enjoy while ignoring whats being taught. : )
-Ap Euro Hist. Mr teach rocks, and I love the subject matter. I'm actually treating this as a college level course and I'm reading the chapter at home like he "suggested" we do. I love the people in my class and it's a really fun course. Ap Euro Hist, definitely this years favorite class.
-I know, I'm a slacker. I took regular eng 4. lol But it's ok, cause I'm one of the smartest people in there so that's a plus for me and not a lot is required of me. Which is most definitely a plus right now.
-Well since I'm domestically challenged I decided to take a cooking class this year. We haven't started to do much at all, but next class we get to make biscuits. But whether I get to make food and eat it, or I just have an extra hour at school to read a book, I'm glad for the simplicity and relaxed mood in there.
-Dismiss. Dismiss. Dismiss. It's the greatest thing to happened to me since Jesus! (however still not nearly as good as Jesus, Duh) Most days I fill this extra time with two episodes of charmed. lol I know, it's a horrible way to spend my spare time and I should be doing things that are productive or at least different things every day and not become addicted to a tv show. But, I just love it so much. However other days I will miss my show and stay at school and work on all state with rives during 4th, or maybe I have an errand to run. Either way it's very nice to have an extra hour and a half to work with in my day!
-All-state was a sore subject a few weeks ago when i felt all this pressure to be awesome at it. And I'm not saying that pressure is gone, but I'm at least not feeling it as strongly. I feel pretty confident in my ability and even with sight reading. I think I'll do just fine. My first audition is this Saturday so wish me luck. I'm really shooting for 1st chair this year. That would be amazing. But if I lose it, I would like my friend Emily at dhs to get it. She is the only person I would be ok in coming in second behind. But I'm not getting my hopes to high. I just think i can do it, and so I'm shooting for the moon.


So there you have it, happy thoughts. I figured that they were due a turn after all the negative stuff you have read the past week or two. It's so easy to focus on the bad and totally block out all the positive things going on in life. I really struggle with that. But I hope you enjoyed.

random things

Here I have a list of things that are going on in my life. Maybe you have a clue what I'm talking about, maybe you don't.

-The bug is in the shop : ( It died on me on Friday and i was stranded at school (sorta)
-I hate "vacation time"
-Dad didn't get to go to the lake, so instead he bought a new flat screen tv for his bedroom
-I found a gorgeous dress that looks great on me, but it costs a 100 dollars. So tomorrow shes gonna go look at it and tell me whats wrong with it.
-Last week I was on overload
-I cry about everything, I wish people would stop analyzing me for it
-I don't like being out of my element already and it just started
-I needed that growing up moment, thank you for handling it better then I could have
-I wanna shoot the two boys in my show choir in the face!!
-RHS football has lost its legacy completely! Whoo senior year
-I get to go see Lion King at fair park next Thursday!
-Four years of homecomings, no mum. Its a ridiculous tradition, but I care anyway. I didn't go to the dance. I wonder if I'll regret it.
-Maybe she'll finally realize that I'm not her
-So much for not being negative
-That night scared me, and I'm not looking forward to doing again this week. I felt intimidated, inferior, fake, and trapped.
-I don't trust you yet, it's going to be really hard to get to the point when I do, and I feel bad,
cause it's not your fault.
-I'm not sure why, but Ive not been a happy person for a while
-I would have felt really fake and hypocritical if I would have cried. I am really glad your ok though. I wish that I could want to be better friends with you.

The Last 1st Monday of High School

yes...I am that girl...Today is indeed the very last, first Monday of my high school experience. (note that RHS did not start school on the same day as the rest of the world..)

Today, was a good day. Besides the rain of course, it was an A day (block schedule) and my "super strenuous" schedule called for 2 periods of choir, then government. (which sounds hard, but no) At 2:11 I left school with my dear friend Charlotte and enjoyed a very tasty meal at chilis, then returned to school at 4 for our weekly women's choir rehearsal. (note the fourth hour I spent singing during school today lol) Now for most people 4 hours of choral rehearsals and being surrounded by the same people all day long would be torturous, but I enjoy it very much.

To add to my choir packed day of fun, today was our choir officer team building retreat. So after rehearsal we got on the bus and headed for Carrolton to a place called Group Dynamix (GDX). It's actually a really neat place inside this warehouse. About 26 of us choir dedicated officers, got to play several leadership and team building games and then spent about an hour hanging from the roof doing several different (VERY DIFFICULT) ropes courses. (including a zip line, which is of course a crowd favorite) I had a ton of fun! Being my second trip to GDX I wasn't really worried about the height or falling. (in fact I kinda like just hanging by the rope and swinging around lol ) But this trip really worked on getting over the "I can't do it" phase. One obstacle especially, a series of tires (it's much harder then it sounds i swear!) had me completely frustrated. But using EVERY amount of upper arm strength I could muster I finally got through it. It was by far the toughest of all the obstacles, but with a little more then average will power, I did it.

A great day indeed. And it only adds to the pretty darn good being of my senior year. Granted lately on my blogs I have seemed a bit negative, but that is just me ranting. I really have had an overall good few weeks. And so far senior year is shaping up to be a good one to end on. I only hope it stays that way. But great things are happening both at school and at church, so I'm definitely hopeful.

(note: today was a day for parenthesis and side notes)

Today I think

Today I think....
....that I am truly great at one thing, procrastination
....that I want to do things but chose not to
....that life would be complete if charmed played on the weekends too
....I'm starting to lose my Jesus high from camp this summer
....I have no will power or self control
....that I need to become comfortable with who am, physically, mentally, and spiritually
....CBC coffee is super gross,lol at least to my newly acquired taste buds
....that I secretly enjoy when my bro and his friends come over at 3 in the morning on the weekends and wake me up
....that discovering who I am as a person is an incredibly difficult thing to do
....that I get alot of joy when people comment on blogs, myspace, facebook...it just gives me something to do for a minute or so
....I give my school motivation a good 3 weeks till senioritis kicks in to full force
....that social coffee with Kelsey needs to happen
....I am in a funk with my family and that everything they do annoys me
....the guest speaker at church tonight said alot of things that I needed to hear, but I'm not sure if I will respond to them like I know I should
....Satan comes in the form of delicious food
....I really love it when I go to quizznos(sp?) with my friends
....that my life has become stagnant
....I love sulking in misery with bff and eating a pint of cookies and cream ice cream
....I'm super glad I'm over my coughing sickness
....I hate the future
....my room is a pale green flowery prison that doesn't reflect my personality in the slightest bit and at times feels like it suffocates me
....that I miss my friend Taylor more then Ive ever missed anyone before and that I totally took him for granted when i had him
....that I have a very bad habit of dooming things before they have a chance to begin

Media Rules

It's quite scary to think about how much the media can influence a person. The media is meant to entertain, inform, even to persuade, but I find that it also has the power to control minds. Of course it only has as much power as a person gives willingly, but with that power our generation has been molded into exactly what "they" want.

So many things that we as teenagers do, say, think, wear, etc come straight from what we see and hear from the media. Fashion, and it's importance to be apart of the "in" crowd. Immorality, and sex appeal. The use a drugs and consumption of alcohol. The media not only encourages these things, but they condemn those who don't by labeling these individual thinkers as "nerds", "prude", "ugly". My generation, more then any other is plagued by our upbringing in the media's world. From birth we have been raised to obey popularity and trend.

Aside from the media's control over what we buy, wear, and how we socialize, it also has control over how we think and feel. It's a subtle type of mind control that is rarely noticed. Ever watch a tv show, or movie about a dancer, singer, athlete, etc and then as soon as it's over you want to go try your hand at it? I know I have. I've experienced urges to be a cheerleader after movies like Bring It On, and to dance after the final scene of Center Stage. Sure things like this seem like fun little quirks, but what about when the things we see on tv and hear in music effect the way we feel. How when your really angry you pop in your favorite screamo cd, or when your sad sappy country music just seems to fit. The type of music we turn to no longer remedies our emotions, it only fuels the fire.

Tonight I went to see a great little film called Becoming Jane. It tells the story of the great English writer Jane Austen. It's a love story of course, a sappy chick flick, and yet I'm left with feelings of sadness, and loneliness, and it's not because I really felt bad for the character. Watching her life only makes me think about mine. (I'm a selfish person, oh well) Her love story brings sadness to mind when I think about my love story and how empty it is. I know it's childish and stupid to care about such things or to let a silly movie effect my emotions so much as to make my whole night a downer, but *sigh* that's what happened.

How can I allow movies, tv, music, news, the media in general effect me so deeply. To change my emotions on a whim? I've surrendered all individual thought over and I'm left with what they give me. It's sad really. I would like to think that my knowledge of the powers of media would help me to protect myself against it. But that did me no good tonight. I hope I'll be stronger in the future, but things aren't looking up.

Coffee

I have never been a coffee drinker. In fact for most of my life I declined any offers and politely said, " No thanks, I don't like the taste." Well, I have finally gotten over it and broken down to conformity with America. A few days ago I decided that coffee is such a social drink that it would do me well to get to the point of enjoying a cup here and there. I think I have found a way of making my coffee so that I don't cringe with every taste. In fact I'm starting to enjoy it. But I made it a point to NOT become addicted to it. I did not want to not be able to start my day without 8 cups before I leave the house and 1 cup for the road. Well, that's all changing now that I find myself in the 2nd week of school with massive amounts of reading for all of classes! I don't get home each day from my routine activities till late at night and then I have to face the many text books and required reading for the next days classes. So I read. And read. And then I wake up in the morning to find that I fell asleep and don't remember what I read. It's a totally useless cycle. So coffee. I know it's not the best choice, but I'm quickly getting over that. So tonight, it's a coffee night and I'm going to attack those books! Wish me luck! I'm just going to keep these coffee nights to a minimum.

An Old Saying

An old saying..."If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Well, I have nothing nice to say, so I wont say anything at all.