All people struggle, and contrary to a popular world belief, all Christians struggle too. I struggle. You struggle. But so often we don't talk about our struggles, and instead we put on a smile for the sake of those around us and we go throughout our days never being real with anyone and especially ourselves. Well I'm tired of being fake and I'm tired of wearing my smile and not meaning it. So here it is; my struggles of late. I'm having a really hard time enjoying college and the new life I have because of it. When I'm totally honest with myself I'm lonely. Even though I have tons of great people and a boyfriend around me all the time, I'm still lonely. I miss my friends. I miss the community we shared. I don't have anyone here that I laugh with like I laughed with Bethany all the time. And I don't have anyone that I can have deep and random conversations with like I did with Charlotte, and I don't have anyone here who really understands who I am and what I'm about and the struggles I have like Sarah does. I know that I just have to build a new life, and new friendships and that it'll all work out great, but I'm not there yet and it sucks. Honestly, right now it just sucks. And what doesn't help this problem is that I don't really have any friends at Unt. My worst fear has come true, and it is actually harder to meet people then I thought it would be. I have met one person and she is very cool and fun to hang out with but I rarely even have time to spend hanging out with her because we are both so busy! So that's my first big struggle. I'm lonely. Another is that I'm making some bad choices when it comes to time management and I know that, but I'm not ready to change that yet. I'm caught in the middle. I don't get as much sleep as I need, and when I say that I actually mean "need" and not just want. I procrastinate on everything, and I'm becoming complacent in my walk and I KNOW that is a problem. I get what I need to done, but I almost always do it in a rush and I don't put my whole heart and focus into it. I'm stuck in a rut. I'm afraid to disappoint, and i care what others think way to much. I'm allowing myself to do some things I shouldn't, and I'm not disciplining myself to do the things I should.
So there you have it. I'm human. And frankly at the moment I'm doing a fantastic job at being human. But the first step to fixing the problem is knowing there is a problem, and that's what this blog is about. I'm putting it out there. My struggles and failing are now public knowledge. Hold me accountable, ask me how I'm doing, and make me be honest. That's what I need right now. I'm trying to get back on track, and I'm trying to bring my focus back to God, but it's hard and I'm struggling. But at least now I'm being honest.
My thoughts. My life.
3 comments:
I think it is great that you are being honest with yourself. No one said that you have to love every minute of college. It can be a tough adjustment. Just hang in there and it will get better. You've only been at it a few months. If there is anything I can do to help in any way, I am here for you.
Please come by and see me sometime. Just let me know you are coming and i will be here. Please please please come by.
My freshman year of college was rough. I constantly wanted to move back home. I felt incredibly lonely. I felt the same way you do, but the one thing that overwhelmed me was the sense that even though my friends and family were not present with me in Austin, Texas in my dorm room that faced the tower, my Father was there with me. And he never failed me. That was the most life-changing thing I learned from that time in my life.
He loves you and cares for you, Gish, and he won't let you down. He's always there.
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