Out of Order

So I'm not quite sure what is up, but I think that maybe my tear ducts are out of order. Tonight was my last choir concert in high school, and I should have cried. But I didn't. Not even one tear. I even tried to think of all the sad stuff and force myself to cry, and it just didn't work. Graduation and all my friends scattering just hasn't hit me yet. I still have two whole weeks of school left and I just haven't gotten sad yet. I know that I'm not terribly torn apart because I really don't care that much that people are leaving. There are a few people that I will really, truly miss, but honestly I won't miss a lot of them. I've had some really terrible friends these past couple of years who just really never cared to much about me and so I'm not to sad to see them go. However, I know that when Senior Speeches roles around for church I'm going to be crying like a little baby. I will honestly miss every single one of them. Those people have been my true friends, and so many of them are close to my heart. So I'm looking forward to a huge display of water works, but for now, I'm just out of order.

AHHHHHHHH

So this tomorrow I have my sisters first ballet performance, prom(both pictures and sleepover are at my house) and then sundayI have mexico mission meal, and tea party with Cera! It doesn't sound like a lot, but oh man am I swarmped! There is so much to do just to prep from prom and attend everything! Ugh! I can't wait till its all happening and I can enjoy it. Now I have to go clean my house!

Great Provider

For some reason I am still amazed every time I realize how much God provides in my life. Today was amazing. God answered so many prayers in just one day; I'm a bit overwhelmed. First off, my worries about my senior slide show are no more; the picture situation has been remedied. Secondly I was worried about paying for Mexico since my dad's company didn't give me as much as expected and I knew that I wouldn't get what I needed from my short list of other letters, but He knew exactly what I needed and provided an amazing sum of money from a completely unexpected source! Also, since I've been stressing so much with everything that's been going on lately when I had to chose a song for our senior cd for bible study I just sorta chose a song and I was like "whatever, its a good song". I didn't realize at the time though how much I really did identify with the song and I probably would have chosen it anyway even if I had really spent some time thinking about it. God just put it in my mind to randomly pick the perfect song. (Jeremy Camp's Beyond Measure) So Thank God. He is the Great Provider. Every good and perfect thing comes from God the Father.

AP European Test

....Is tomorrow and it starts at 1. I really wish that I had 2 more days, that would be enough, but as of now I'm just not sure if I can pass it. I've been in cram mode all of today and yesterday, minus when Kelsey persuaded me to skip studying for bunco night. Which I actually ended up winning a subway gift card which made lunch especially yummy today! But I really want to pass this test. I feel like I actually have a shot at this one but that I'm just slightly unprepared. However, when looking at the big picture I have realized something. This is the first time in my life that I have actually REALLY studied for anything. (any still worried about passing) I think that no matter how I look at it, that this a growing experience. I'm getting a taste of what college might be like. Late nights with my spider coffee cup, (thanks Kristy) hours spent at Barnes and noble reading a book that I'm too cheap to actually buy, and really wanting to learn something.

Through out high school I've had a number of good teachers. However, this year Coach Lamon has trumped them all. Not that he is a better teacher, or that I have learned more in his class, or that I like his teaching; though all that is true, but he just genuinely loves learning and he has the ability to share that with people. That is what I love most about him. Also, I know he genuinely wants us to succeed and grow as people; not just students. He has instilled in me a real desire to learn and to not waste my talents. So, thanks coach.

12:55 am

It's late and just like every other day since Saturday I'm still awake, and have no intention of going to bed for at least another hour or so. I have recently become a night crawler. I usually cherish my sleep but lately I've just found other things to do, or other reasons to stay awake. Tonight I have several reasons to be awake.
-I have alot on my mind and by staying busy I can block them out for now. However they will flood my mind when my head hits the pillow.
-I'm trying to back up all my music and pictures on this funky machine thing.
-I'm also trying to transfer all my music to my laptop....this is a huge pain so far.

My day was really good until about 9 o'clock and then it all went south. At the present moment I feel like a terrible human being who refuses to learn from her mistakes.

Days Like Today

On a day like today, I feel a little bipolar...just like the weather. A bit of rainy day syndrome and a little bit of sunshine excitement. But Mostly I feel like becoming lost inside my own thoughts on life and love or lack there of. I feel like becoming lost inside new music. I feel like taking a nap. I feel like reading outside. I feel like just sitting at home and enjoying my own solitude but in a good productive way. But instead I think I'll grab a cup of coffee and go to church for mid school bible study. On days like today I feel a little out of place with the world.

hmm

I think to much....

Pieces of Prom 1

This past saturday was prom number 1 for me. Marcus high school's prom. I went with the cbc youth group and more specifically with this kid named Ethan. Over all it was really fun. A little awkward in parts, mainly cause I knew about 15 people in a room of 4oo or so, but all in all it was a good night. Once we started to dance and things loosened up a bit everything went pretty smoothly from there. After the dance we went to Nathan and Kim's house to party some more. (Thank you Nathan and Kim) This part of the night was even more fun I think cause we just got to hang out with eachother and there was the added bonus of me actually knowing everyone! woo! We played a little poker, which quickly turned into a really funny joke for me and Bethany! We watched movies and ate. I got about 15 minutes of sleep that night then went to church to serve the offerring and do communion. It was really good that they had us stay for the whole service to give out communion, cause I really needed to hear what Pastor Steve was talking about. He spoke about forgiveness, and well I needed to forgive some people for something. It was all stuff I had already heard before; he didn't say a single new thing. But its good to get a reminder of stuff you've forgotten every once in a while.

Prom 1 was really good. Now it's time to focus on prom 2.

Tired of being a senior

Seniority, Senioritis, Senior Status....All are enjoyable parts of being a senior, but I'm starting to notice the downside of senior year! There is just to much stuff that comes along with being a senior. Some of which is fun to do and some not so much, but all of which just take to much of my time and the overload is stressful. At the top of the priority list are things like applying for colleges and scholarships, FAFSA applications, going on visits and applying for housing and such. Also near the top of the list are things like senior pictures, buying ans sending grad announcements, buying a cap and gown, (for some, making sure you actually are going to graduate). But on top of all that there is all this random small stuff that just adds up like crazy! Senior scrapbooks for English class, AP tests, senior boards at church, finding pics for slide shows, senior speeches, picking songs for senior cd's and slide shows, appointments with counselors, etc. I can't even think of it all right now but I know there is more. Don't get me wrong, I am really enjoying senior year, and I'll be happy that I have all the mementos later. I'm just tired of it right now. I'm ready to be a care free freshman again.