Today

Sometimes distraction is a blessing from God. Today was one of those times. My day started off pretty terribly, I was almost in tears by 8am. I fled from my house and was at school early for the first time in a long time. But I was determined not to go through my day bitterly and being sad, so I sat in my car (freezing my but off I might add) and just prayed that God would heal what's broken, and would give me strength to handle everything. He hasn't quite answered that prayer yet, but he did give me what I needed to keep myself from focusing on it and being bitter all day. He gave me distractions. Things that I would usually be annoyed at or stressed out about, were just on my list of things to do today. Simple as that. I was focused on things besides myself and that is an answered prayer.

A Good Weekend

Oh man, God provided for me this weekend. I needed to get away, I needed to do something fun and different. I needed people and friendship. He delivered. Basically the short version is that I was able to get of work this weekend cause boss man was cutting hours and it also happened to be my best friend Sarah's birthday. So her parents had offered to take me and another friend down to San Marcos to see her. It was a virtually free trip and it was just what I needed. So Saturday morning Melissa, Sarah's parents and I all drove down to see her. It was really cool because Sarah didn't know that I was coming, she thought I had to work. So we were able to just spend all Saturday and most of today with her. We also hung out alot with her suite mate who is very cool. Even though I'm still struggling with sadness and loneliness at home, it was refreshing. And to top it all off we started our morning with a visit to a local church which was awesome because the worship was what I love and the preacher taught truth in a way that really pointed me to God. Now I'm ready to go home and face my reality with strength and confidence in the Lord to answer my prayers.

My Struggle

All people struggle, and contrary to a popular world belief, all Christians struggle too. I struggle. You struggle. But so often we don't talk about our struggles, and instead we put on a smile for the sake of those around us and we go throughout our days never being real with anyone and especially ourselves. Well I'm tired of being fake and I'm tired of wearing my smile and not meaning it. So here it is; my struggles of late. I'm having a really hard time enjoying college and the new life I have because of it. When I'm totally honest with myself I'm lonely. Even though I have tons of great people and a boyfriend around me all the time, I'm still lonely. I miss my friends. I miss the community we shared. I don't have anyone here that I laugh with like I laughed with Bethany all the time. And I don't have anyone that I can have deep and random conversations with like I did with Charlotte, and I don't have anyone here who really understands who I am and what I'm about and the struggles I have like Sarah does. I know that I just have to build a new life, and new friendships and that it'll all work out great, but I'm not there yet and it sucks. Honestly, right now it just sucks. And what doesn't help this problem is that I don't really have any friends at Unt. My worst fear has come true, and it is actually harder to meet people then I thought it would be. I have met one person and she is very cool and fun to hang out with but I rarely even have time to spend hanging out with her because we are both so busy! So that's my first big struggle. I'm lonely. Another is that I'm making some bad choices when it comes to time management and I know that, but I'm not ready to change that yet. I'm caught in the middle. I don't get as much sleep as I need, and when I say that I actually mean "need" and not just want. I procrastinate on everything, and I'm becoming complacent in my walk and I KNOW that is a problem. I get what I need to done, but I almost always do it in a rush and I don't put my whole heart and focus into it. I'm stuck in a rut. I'm afraid to disappoint, and i care what others think way to much. I'm allowing myself to do some things I shouldn't, and I'm not disciplining myself to do the things I should.

So there you have it. I'm human. And frankly at the moment I'm doing a fantastic job at being human. But the first step to fixing the problem is knowing there is a problem, and that's what this blog is about. I'm putting it out there. My struggles and failing are now public knowledge. Hold me accountable, ask me how I'm doing, and make me be honest. That's what I need right now. I'm trying to get back on track, and I'm trying to bring my focus back to God, but it's hard and I'm struggling. But at least now I'm being honest.