A really good friend, that I miss a lot and never see anymore, once said to me that in college you will either run toward the Lord and strengthen your relationship with him, or you will start walking backwards. Well, looking at my graduating class from CBC I would have to say she was right. I would also have to say that I think I went the wrong way and it has proved to be a very non enjoyable year and a half.

I feel like I should have something better to do then sit here on my computer trying to find something to do...

I also feel like I should have been a master at playing my acoustic guitar already since I decided I wanted to learn this time last year. But I'm not much better then i was this time last year.

As soon as I decide I'm goind to "diet" that's also when I begin wanting the most unhealthy foods in the world.

There you have it folks. Three thoughts. That's all I've got for ya.

Nineteen Years Worth

A friend of mine posted a blog about the memories that stick out most in her life. It got me thinking about my life and I thought I would share my most memerable times with you. If you care enough to read through them, you're probaly in them.

-playing in my rice box as a child, it was cleaner than sand.
-the day paige hit her head on my ceiling fan
-Christmas when I basically told my aunt that my uncle was going to propose
-meeting Britany in 3rd grade, thinking she was a boy
-leaving school early in 3rd grade to have a chocolate shake with mom at chilis
-making 1000 paper cranes in 5th grade
-the one and only night in my life i've ever snuck out
-My first kiss...eww
-Grandpa throwing a water bottle at me across the dinner table because of his alzheimers
-sitting at spaghetti warehouse when my mom told us she was pregnant
-the "chicklets"
-playing ooga booga at sleep overs with Breana and Rachel
-phone conversations with Austin that lastest for hours
-Ryan being sent away to Utah
-agenda attacking in 7th grade
-Mrs. Miller in 8th grade algebra....we hated her
-Meeting Taylor in Mexico
-our own anti-social bible studies at nancy's house fresh year
-eating lunch alone by the choir room the last 2 months of soph year
-that conversation with Kristy sophmore year in the dungon office
-Being "in love" with Rian for two years
-mexico junior year--Kelsey's life story while stuccoing
-St. Patricks day in Ireland
-"Intervention" in Ireland
-bible study with Sarah in Ireland
-Driving to Tech with Charlotte
-Sr. girls bible study 08
-Kristy's wedding
-The day Nathan annouced he was leaving to the college group
-The night we got back from Pine Cove 09
-Baptizing Morgan
-Laying in the hammock during lake weekend summer '08

Being Busy and Making Time

Much like the rest of you, I'm super busy. I've probably posted blogs about being busy 85% of the time I actually post. However, for me, I've been busier this year more so than I ever have been before. College just did something to me. I have to study for things now, and that takes time. I have to work now, and that takes time. I have a boyfriend now, and that takes time. I have to sleep more now, and that takes time. It's been a hard year. Parts of it were bland. Others really fun. Some were depressing. But over all I made time for the things I had to do, and I made time for the things I wanted to do. Where I slacked though, was making time for the things I should above all else be doing. I found myself putting God on the back burner quite often so I could make time to do other things, important or unimportant. I did the bare minimum; often this would be defined as "what might appear to others as a good job".

So now I'm still super busy. Busier now than ever. But I've changed a significant piece of this puzzle. I learned to put the less important things on the back burner so that I'll have time to spend in the word. I've been braving the morning and reading chapters of Matthew and Proverbs. I can't say that it's been life altering or even that I've had some awesome experience. But I know that if I'm patient and diligent He'll answer.

There is an "I" in PRIDE

I don't read books.
I don't read the newspaper.
I don't watch the news on tv.
I don't read magazines or follow the latest celeb scandal.
I don't form opinions on recent issues.
I don't listen to podcasts.
I don't have much that's interesting to say.
I don't like talking about my problems.
I don't like thinking about my problems.
I don't like admitting that I have problems.
I need someone who will actually care about what I'm talking about.
I need someone who won't analyze me.
I need someone who won't judge me.
I need someone to be my friend.
I need somewhere to belong.
I need a place to go.
I need people to love me.
I need people to love.
I need people to not fix me.
I need someone to help me.
I need someone to teach me.
I need someone to encourage me.
I should be honest.
I should talk to people.
I should love myself.
I should not be so hard on myself.
I should have more faith.
I should reach out.
I should be there for you.
I should be consistant.
I should return your calls.
I should do coffee.
I should not blow people off.
I should be more responsible.
I should be better.
I should try harder.
I should try.

I should not be so self focused.

Just some thoughts to kinda catch you up.
-I'm happier now then I have been
-I'm still super busy
-I'm excited to visist some cool people I know in Arkansas
-Pine Cove was super fun but not so relaxing
-Relationships are scary
-I don't know alot of things
-It's not good to be late to your first class on the the first day back to school
-I thought I was sick but apparently I was just tired
-Being told you look "Tired" 6 times in one day doesn't not make you feel good about yourself
-I wish I knew what that word meant
-My English teacher let us out of class 20 mintues early today. He told us he wanted us to go outside and spend 20 minutes free writing. I called John instead.
-I don't have a single actual proff this semester.
-I think God is sending me on a wild goose chase, and at the moment I don't really apprecieate it...
-I wish I could find what I'm looking for. But it's much easier said then done.
-I bit off more then I could chew....surprise surprise.
-I don't want to leave them
-I'm really glad my friend stephanie is back in town
-my Sister hates my boyfriend...it's kinda sad really
-My brother moved to colorado for 4 months and he already hates it.
-I miss him.
I really should go do something more productive then this...

Ignore me, and go on with your day

-I miss him alot.
-I am a selfish human being whose pride gets in the way of living how I should.
-I want to ignite a fire
-I haven't done anything Christmasy this Christmas
-I'm kinda sad right now
-I have friends. And I'm thankful for them.
-I want to be a better example
-I want to love those girls more.
-I'm afraid he wont like it, or think it's to much
-It needs to stop snowing in Washington
-I don't feel like anyone is making an effort
-I feel like we are a lost cause.
-I wish I thought things would get better
-I'm excited for a little get away time
-I don't know what I'm going to bring for food tomorrow
-I know you don't read my blog
-I'm thankful for curved grades in college
-I have my priorities all wrong
-I can't decide if I do or not...
-I hate doing things I've never done before. It scares me.

I am way to focused on myself. THE END