When Passion Becomes Obligation

I enjoy singing a lot. I love to learn new music as much as I love to perform it! I love to sing alone and in my whole choir. The whole process is just fun for me. Its my way of releasing tension, singing relaxes me. That's why I do stuff like all state and solo and ensemble competitions. I get to cram music, which is one of my favorite things to do. I hate taking 6 weeks to learn a piece. Give me two days and Ill be ready to perform it. And that's how all state camps work. We take 4 days and learn 8 pieces of music and then perform and record the concert. But in choir it will take 6 weeks to learn 3 or 4 pieces....it gets frustrating. Doing all state gives me something more interesting to work on so I don't get bored with our choir music.

Anyway, every year i have auditioned for all state and loved doing it. Learning music, the excitement of the audition, more challenging music, etc. Last year I finally made the All-State Choir. I was 3rd chair women's choir. Which basically means I was 7th in the state for my voice part. Its a really big deal to make all state. Especially as a junior because now I can do it again senior year. And I plan to. Ive been to 2 camps this summer learning the music for this years auditions. And because I was an all stater I got to go to these camps either for free or at a discounted price. That was pretty cool.

I'm not saying all this to brag. I'm saying this because it was a passion. And still is kinda. But this year I'm not doing all state because I want to anymore. I'm doing it because I'm expected to. I made it once, now I have to do it again. And on top of that, I have to do better! So now when I audition its not just nerve racking, its 10 times more pressure. It doesn't even stop here. Besides the pressure to make all state again, I have the pressure to be the best at school too. If I make a mistake or do anything wrong it's even more unacceptable. Why? Because I'm an all stater and I should be better then that.

This might seem like an over the top rant. But I really do get this from people. They expect me to be perfect, and I'm far from it. It just starts to get frustrating and draining when passion turns into obligation.