On Becoming an Adult

A dear friend recently said that, on becoming an adult, she has been swarmed with an unsettling sense of obligation, and responsibility. I have yet to turn 18, but the day is approaching quickly, but I have already started to feel this too. To me all 18 represents is jobs, college, bills, decision making, adult stuff. Granted, it's exciting at times. But more then that, it's scary.

To be truly transparent, I would have to say that I am scared of the future. For me, it is so uncertain right now. I don't know where I want to go to college, or what I want to do. I have never had a job before, nor had to pay any bills. For that matter I've never really had to pay for anything. On the topic of college however, that is where I find myself mostly insecure. Though my parents are against it, I could if I really wanted to, go out of state for college. I could go anywhere. But I don't truly have a passion for any certain place, or even a passion to get out of Texas, so I'll most likely stay here. But still, Texas is a large state and has many options. Again, my parents are against it, but if I wanted, I could go anywhere in Texas. But honestly, I don't think I would want to. I'm insecure. I want to live on my own, but not away. I want to be independent, but not to far away if I need them. I don't want to leave my sister and let her grow up as an only child. I don't want to have to find a new church and find my place all over again. I'm scared. So I'll say that I want to go to UNT, and that my parents want me to go there. And that's great. But really, I want to go to UNT because I'm afraid to leave, and truly be on my own. I'm afraid to really be an adult.