Happy Thoughts

I've decided to post something of a positive nature. So here are some things that I'm really enjoying about school.
-Although the boys in my show choir suck.....(really)....my director gave us 5 girls a piece of our own to do. It's a five part (every girl has their own part) version of Killing Me Softly. I'm really enjoying it! Finally a really fun and also challenging song, that I'm sure will turn out very nicely at the concert.
-Chambers. Choir is choir, but every year rives (dir) gets nicer and easier to be around, so that's a plus.
-Ap gov sucks as a course and topic to study, but I love the people at my table. That is one of the most entertaining 1 1/2 hours of my week.
-Crossword puzzles are the new fad in my inner circle in ap gov. Its a pass time we all enjoy while ignoring whats being taught. : )
-Ap Euro Hist. Mr teach rocks, and I love the subject matter. I'm actually treating this as a college level course and I'm reading the chapter at home like he "suggested" we do. I love the people in my class and it's a really fun course. Ap Euro Hist, definitely this years favorite class.
-I know, I'm a slacker. I took regular eng 4. lol But it's ok, cause I'm one of the smartest people in there so that's a plus for me and not a lot is required of me. Which is most definitely a plus right now.
-Well since I'm domestically challenged I decided to take a cooking class this year. We haven't started to do much at all, but next class we get to make biscuits. But whether I get to make food and eat it, or I just have an extra hour at school to read a book, I'm glad for the simplicity and relaxed mood in there.
-Dismiss. Dismiss. Dismiss. It's the greatest thing to happened to me since Jesus! (however still not nearly as good as Jesus, Duh) Most days I fill this extra time with two episodes of charmed. lol I know, it's a horrible way to spend my spare time and I should be doing things that are productive or at least different things every day and not become addicted to a tv show. But, I just love it so much. However other days I will miss my show and stay at school and work on all state with rives during 4th, or maybe I have an errand to run. Either way it's very nice to have an extra hour and a half to work with in my day!
-All-state was a sore subject a few weeks ago when i felt all this pressure to be awesome at it. And I'm not saying that pressure is gone, but I'm at least not feeling it as strongly. I feel pretty confident in my ability and even with sight reading. I think I'll do just fine. My first audition is this Saturday so wish me luck. I'm really shooting for 1st chair this year. That would be amazing. But if I lose it, I would like my friend Emily at dhs to get it. She is the only person I would be ok in coming in second behind. But I'm not getting my hopes to high. I just think i can do it, and so I'm shooting for the moon.


So there you have it, happy thoughts. I figured that they were due a turn after all the negative stuff you have read the past week or two. It's so easy to focus on the bad and totally block out all the positive things going on in life. I really struggle with that. But I hope you enjoyed.

random things

Here I have a list of things that are going on in my life. Maybe you have a clue what I'm talking about, maybe you don't.

-The bug is in the shop : ( It died on me on Friday and i was stranded at school (sorta)
-I hate "vacation time"
-Dad didn't get to go to the lake, so instead he bought a new flat screen tv for his bedroom
-I found a gorgeous dress that looks great on me, but it costs a 100 dollars. So tomorrow shes gonna go look at it and tell me whats wrong with it.
-Last week I was on overload
-I cry about everything, I wish people would stop analyzing me for it
-I don't like being out of my element already and it just started
-I needed that growing up moment, thank you for handling it better then I could have
-I wanna shoot the two boys in my show choir in the face!!
-RHS football has lost its legacy completely! Whoo senior year
-I get to go see Lion King at fair park next Thursday!
-Four years of homecomings, no mum. Its a ridiculous tradition, but I care anyway. I didn't go to the dance. I wonder if I'll regret it.
-Maybe she'll finally realize that I'm not her
-So much for not being negative
-That night scared me, and I'm not looking forward to doing again this week. I felt intimidated, inferior, fake, and trapped.
-I don't trust you yet, it's going to be really hard to get to the point when I do, and I feel bad,
cause it's not your fault.
-I'm not sure why, but Ive not been a happy person for a while
-I would have felt really fake and hypocritical if I would have cried. I am really glad your ok though. I wish that I could want to be better friends with you.

The Last 1st Monday of High School

yes...I am that girl...Today is indeed the very last, first Monday of my high school experience. (note that RHS did not start school on the same day as the rest of the world..)

Today, was a good day. Besides the rain of course, it was an A day (block schedule) and my "super strenuous" schedule called for 2 periods of choir, then government. (which sounds hard, but no) At 2:11 I left school with my dear friend Charlotte and enjoyed a very tasty meal at chilis, then returned to school at 4 for our weekly women's choir rehearsal. (note the fourth hour I spent singing during school today lol) Now for most people 4 hours of choral rehearsals and being surrounded by the same people all day long would be torturous, but I enjoy it very much.

To add to my choir packed day of fun, today was our choir officer team building retreat. So after rehearsal we got on the bus and headed for Carrolton to a place called Group Dynamix (GDX). It's actually a really neat place inside this warehouse. About 26 of us choir dedicated officers, got to play several leadership and team building games and then spent about an hour hanging from the roof doing several different (VERY DIFFICULT) ropes courses. (including a zip line, which is of course a crowd favorite) I had a ton of fun! Being my second trip to GDX I wasn't really worried about the height or falling. (in fact I kinda like just hanging by the rope and swinging around lol ) But this trip really worked on getting over the "I can't do it" phase. One obstacle especially, a series of tires (it's much harder then it sounds i swear!) had me completely frustrated. But using EVERY amount of upper arm strength I could muster I finally got through it. It was by far the toughest of all the obstacles, but with a little more then average will power, I did it.

A great day indeed. And it only adds to the pretty darn good being of my senior year. Granted lately on my blogs I have seemed a bit negative, but that is just me ranting. I really have had an overall good few weeks. And so far senior year is shaping up to be a good one to end on. I only hope it stays that way. But great things are happening both at school and at church, so I'm definitely hopeful.

(note: today was a day for parenthesis and side notes)

Today I think

Today I think....
....that I am truly great at one thing, procrastination
....that I want to do things but chose not to
....that life would be complete if charmed played on the weekends too
....I'm starting to lose my Jesus high from camp this summer
....I have no will power or self control
....that I need to become comfortable with who am, physically, mentally, and spiritually
....CBC coffee is super gross,lol at least to my newly acquired taste buds
....that I secretly enjoy when my bro and his friends come over at 3 in the morning on the weekends and wake me up
....that discovering who I am as a person is an incredibly difficult thing to do
....that I get alot of joy when people comment on blogs, myspace, facebook...it just gives me something to do for a minute or so
....I give my school motivation a good 3 weeks till senioritis kicks in to full force
....that social coffee with Kelsey needs to happen
....I am in a funk with my family and that everything they do annoys me
....the guest speaker at church tonight said alot of things that I needed to hear, but I'm not sure if I will respond to them like I know I should
....Satan comes in the form of delicious food
....I really love it when I go to quizznos(sp?) with my friends
....that my life has become stagnant
....I love sulking in misery with bff and eating a pint of cookies and cream ice cream
....I'm super glad I'm over my coughing sickness
....I hate the future
....my room is a pale green flowery prison that doesn't reflect my personality in the slightest bit and at times feels like it suffocates me
....that I miss my friend Taylor more then Ive ever missed anyone before and that I totally took him for granted when i had him
....that I have a very bad habit of dooming things before they have a chance to begin

Media Rules

It's quite scary to think about how much the media can influence a person. The media is meant to entertain, inform, even to persuade, but I find that it also has the power to control minds. Of course it only has as much power as a person gives willingly, but with that power our generation has been molded into exactly what "they" want.

So many things that we as teenagers do, say, think, wear, etc come straight from what we see and hear from the media. Fashion, and it's importance to be apart of the "in" crowd. Immorality, and sex appeal. The use a drugs and consumption of alcohol. The media not only encourages these things, but they condemn those who don't by labeling these individual thinkers as "nerds", "prude", "ugly". My generation, more then any other is plagued by our upbringing in the media's world. From birth we have been raised to obey popularity and trend.

Aside from the media's control over what we buy, wear, and how we socialize, it also has control over how we think and feel. It's a subtle type of mind control that is rarely noticed. Ever watch a tv show, or movie about a dancer, singer, athlete, etc and then as soon as it's over you want to go try your hand at it? I know I have. I've experienced urges to be a cheerleader after movies like Bring It On, and to dance after the final scene of Center Stage. Sure things like this seem like fun little quirks, but what about when the things we see on tv and hear in music effect the way we feel. How when your really angry you pop in your favorite screamo cd, or when your sad sappy country music just seems to fit. The type of music we turn to no longer remedies our emotions, it only fuels the fire.

Tonight I went to see a great little film called Becoming Jane. It tells the story of the great English writer Jane Austen. It's a love story of course, a sappy chick flick, and yet I'm left with feelings of sadness, and loneliness, and it's not because I really felt bad for the character. Watching her life only makes me think about mine. (I'm a selfish person, oh well) Her love story brings sadness to mind when I think about my love story and how empty it is. I know it's childish and stupid to care about such things or to let a silly movie effect my emotions so much as to make my whole night a downer, but *sigh* that's what happened.

How can I allow movies, tv, music, news, the media in general effect me so deeply. To change my emotions on a whim? I've surrendered all individual thought over and I'm left with what they give me. It's sad really. I would like to think that my knowledge of the powers of media would help me to protect myself against it. But that did me no good tonight. I hope I'll be stronger in the future, but things aren't looking up.

Coffee

I have never been a coffee drinker. In fact for most of my life I declined any offers and politely said, " No thanks, I don't like the taste." Well, I have finally gotten over it and broken down to conformity with America. A few days ago I decided that coffee is such a social drink that it would do me well to get to the point of enjoying a cup here and there. I think I have found a way of making my coffee so that I don't cringe with every taste. In fact I'm starting to enjoy it. But I made it a point to NOT become addicted to it. I did not want to not be able to start my day without 8 cups before I leave the house and 1 cup for the road. Well, that's all changing now that I find myself in the 2nd week of school with massive amounts of reading for all of classes! I don't get home each day from my routine activities till late at night and then I have to face the many text books and required reading for the next days classes. So I read. And read. And then I wake up in the morning to find that I fell asleep and don't remember what I read. It's a totally useless cycle. So coffee. I know it's not the best choice, but I'm quickly getting over that. So tonight, it's a coffee night and I'm going to attack those books! Wish me luck! I'm just going to keep these coffee nights to a minimum.

An Old Saying

An old saying..."If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Well, I have nothing nice to say, so I wont say anything at all.